Three Mistakes Of My Life.... Errrrrr

Ok ok before I hear the end of it, Yes I know I make too many mistakes, so it can't be just three mistakes of my life, hence revised title is Three Current Mistakes Of My Life...

1# 'You know Ma,  there are these very few times, when I don't feel all that fine, I mean nothing major though, a niggling backache again, I guess my liver problem comes back every now and then, and I have these recurring mild, very mild headaches a little, I have an abscess on my right leg, I guess it pains a little, and...' 

(Women, when they start talking they completely ignore the other sounds, like the warning bells ringing loudly, and shrilly in their ears, forecasting impeding danger, and that's what happened to me.)

'Ma, why do we have to go to the doctor?? I mean come on Ma, it's not fair! Can't I trust you a with a little secret, I am just not well a L-I-T-T-L-E, I mean I am not dying for God's sake yaa.'

(Damn, this is why women are cursed for talking to much, the memory of my mums raised eyebrows, still silences me in mid-speech now.)

" Silky, as far as I remember I had prescribed certain medicines the last time..."

'No, no you hadn't, you just checked Mom...'

Oh yes you had, and she very well didn't remember to take them - complained mom yet again.

'Ah, Ma, technically speaking, if you remembered, then doesn't the logic say, that you remind me to it...???'

Yeah right, as if you're a 12 year old kid now!!!

(Mum's you can't understand them, through out the time she was cribbing that I am a kid, and all my health doubts should be addressed by the doc immediately, and now in a span of few seconds I am no longer a kid! Help! My mind is also slowing down!!!!)

After a healthy dose of arguments, counterarguments, and emotional (Emphasis on emotional, not practical or moral) lectures later, it was decided that my poor, little, innocently lazy and relaxed lifestyle was the cause of it all...

 ( tch tch tch my doctor had went! Christ! I am 21, allowed to have bad lifestyle...)

"You wake up at 6.30 in the morning, have breakfast at 12 in the afternoon, laze around the whole day, yapping with your cell precariously balanced between your ear and your shoulders, you are eating all the wrong food at the wrong time, you have dinner at 8, sleep at 12, read books lying down, do not take medicines, do not report pain... " 

(Sorry I had been driven into a very small hole, and was feeling claustrophobic, So don't remember the stream of the discussion, just the clincher end...) 

Imagine beta, how bad will Mummy feel ki, because of her bad health you don't take care of your health and fall sick, she will feel she's not a good mother...

(I can still see the wolfish-smile-of I-got-the-cat kinds on their faces...)

Result of my Mistake- I have to take my medicines everyday, I have to have break fast by 10, meals every 4 hours, I cannot lie down and read book, I have to sleep by 10.30, I have no right to yell at mom or bro again for not taking care of their health.. The list is endless... 

(This helped yaar, I feel as fit as a 60 year old grandma now, I have aged gracefully!)

#Second mistake :- Shanti, do you think I am looking fat? "Actually no, I mean yeah a little, pehle se thori moti toh ho gayi ho..."

Mooommm do you think I am looking fat? "Glad you realise it beta, you have become very fat, look at yourself, you don't even fit in your old clothes, when you were in school you were decent, normal types, ab dekho, koi kaam-vaam toh karna hain nahi, din bhar phone, pc, and books, your life has become so sedentary, lazy and auntieji types... " Oh she went on, I just stopped listening, and tried calling someone else, who would tell me I am not looking bad, so I could rest in peace, but tragically nobody helped.

So I decided to visit a few gyms to find out ways to loose some 'puppy fat'...  I just  got too lazy to go, hence dropped the idea...

The kicker came when I was getting ready for a wedding along with my brother, who just comments, "Don't walk with me you know, I am still single, if you walk with me people might assume you to be my wife!!!" :-( 

(Audacity, trust me, I haven't been so embarrassed, because he actually kept teasing me throughout and kept saying do something, do something, he's bloody 5 years older than me!!!)

Result of my mistake:- I now walk for an hour everyday, at a park everyday (just highlighting everyday again) Me and walk :-( That too with all the gossipy-bitchy-we-are-young-page 3ites of my locality in a park, I don't even get the car to drop me off at the park!!! I am not fed with strawberry ice-creams, shakes anymore,  my friends are like if I had a boyfriend, he'd refuse to to be seen out with me... :(

#Third Mistake :- That I thought I could introduce two friends, and have them behave as friends. I introduced two friends, hopefully because they were discussing comments via me, so I thought why not introduce the two of them, and make my life simple. But alas, this is why lack of experience of life comes in. I should have known better, they created a monster gang against me!!! One asked me to shut up, the other called me names, they were discussing whether I am an attitude throwing person, or high maintenance. They were dissecting me, in front of me, as if I didn't exist! They discuss their love life, and work life, their food and their mood amongst them... They forgot me :( 

Tch tch tch...

The result- Now I am bitched about and ragged openly, and now both of them have more time to talk to each other, than talk to me... :( 

They forgot me, I repeat.

So now with a wiser heart and a braver mind, I set my life's journey, while keeping my mind, and contact book, FIRMLY shut!!!

Wants...

Wants...

I want to be by your side,
Where,
Your smile  is beckoning me
Your eyes caressing me
Your laughter tickling me
Your silence speaking to me
Your touch igniting me
Your breath becoming mine
Where begins you and end I

I want to be alone with you,
Where,
I am me
Only yours to be
I play with sand
Unwittingly it become the face of thee
I walk in the water.
Waves assure me
That you are the shore
And me the sea,

That the love rises and falls
Meets and calls
From me to you,
and You to me

Where the wind ruffles my hair,
like you did the night in mere,
telling me of more to come,
Hiding the secrets and keeping mum

Where the sounds calm me,
Like your heart beat did,

Where the smells hold me, entice me
With promises like your arms did..


I want never to wake up
be always yours forever, together,
With your hands in mine,
And your lips on mine...
The dreams so real,
The real so surreal
The fulfillment so deep
The love so divine,
that my feelings are yours,
and your heart is forever
Mine

It is you, It is me, 'It' is Love...

Door being opened

Deeps I am home.... Rish's baby is damn powerful, I mean it kicks your gut... The ride it gives you is just wow! Well my next buy would be the Porche now... This house was 2 years back, I can now afford a Porche!! Imagine what a marriage, that Jerk has a Jaguar and me a Porche, we'll rule the land at 140... :-) Oh! the fridge doesn't have juice, Damn!!!! I was supposed to get it, sorry I forgot! No no don't be benevolent I'll have water instead no need for the alcahol thing... Where the hell are you yaar... Not in the kitchen, not in the dining room, nor in the studies.............. or the bedrooms!!! Is this a game of hide and seek? 

'Here in the window, come to my room, I dont stay in your room dear, that is if you have noticed...' I'm sitting on the window open the curtains you'll find me there...'

What are you doing here? Come down you'll fall off!!!

'Stop acting like an Ido, there are grills, I am sitting on the marble platfor, this is like a small verandah, an aclove types... Little known to you, in such weather you will always find me here with my laptop...'

You sit here?!? Why? 

'The open sky, the view from here, the gentle breeze talks to me, being here I can feel the diversity in the world, it humbles me, and tells me that my world is just so small, there is so much saddness all around, so my problems very meagre, but my happiness unbounded, Its like the sense of freedom, not being tied down with any expectations, nothing to bog u down... To live our life as our own... The nature dictates its laws for its life, why can't we do so for ours? This ambience just completes me... ' smiling...

'You tell me, how was your drive with Rish? and don't tell me Mr. Andreas Dumaski now wants to buy a Ferrari or Porsche...'

Sometimes its like I don't know you, you are just so mysterious, there is always one layer of your persona waiting to be uncovered... You think this was the last, I have figured her out, and you spring a surprise!!! The sense of euphoria just evaporates to a feeling of unsettlement... You are unpredictable!!! and people have this opinion about me, yet you read me like a book, like you author my lines, instead of your posts!!! Why? How?

'Hmmmm that means you spent the entire drive talking to him about me... Why I wonder..?'

As if you don't know why...

'Why?'

AAAArrrrgggggggghhhhhh I hate het smartness, with just one word, end of all the arguments from my side, and now what? I am trapped in the black hole, called answer... Its a black hole because I can never answer fast enough, well enough, correct enough to pull me out of this... I keep getting caught and end up seeping in more and more, ony to be saved when the black hole creator decides to forgive my poor soul..

'God! Deeps you asked me a life changing question and now you feign innocence!'

Was it one?

I give up Deeps!!! You are crazily smart...  Yes it was one, very frankly speaking it hit home some truths...

'Want some juice?'

Theres none in the fridge... 'There are some on the dining table in the dining room...'

Coming back I don't know why I love you, or I didn't know it... All I know was earlier I thought I loved you because you understood me so well... You were there forever whenever I needed an alter ego... You respect me the person... but I have realised I should have loved you for just you, you are introspective, mature, sensible caring individual, ou temper my arrogance and make me seem as me... I don't know why I love you, but just looking at you, I know you are the one for me....

'By the Way you have quoted a part of what Rishi feels for me... close your mouth,guessing it wasnt the way I knew it, I know Rishi like the back of my hand, for half my life now, I can complete his thoughts...'

Why do you love me?

'I don't know all I know is that whether you understand me or not, whether I depend on you or not, the sense of fulfillment and completion I get from you, is worth a million sacrifices, a thousand lives, a hundred fears and a lifetime of happiness...I can see it in your eyes, your voice that you are the person I feel deeply linked with...I didn't know why I loved you, hence asked you this, though not expecting you to quote Rishi, or take it so seriously that you forget that today was Rishi's birthday... and you forgot to wish him...' smiled Deeps...

I'll wish Rishi right now... Deeps you know I love you right...

'Andy I may know it, I doubt you know it...'

Is it you, is it me, is it love (2)

Where is Sam? Why are you alone?

'Sam decided that she didn't want to contribute her two-bit-worth advice in a mens only conversation... So she's looking for a holiday package for all four of us for the new year... My wonderful expensive Sam or rather wonderfully expensive Sam... ' 'But lets bunk all that and get straight to whats bothering the two of you...'

You know Rishi, I have been thinking since the time she asked me this question, and no not as a joke but seriously, why do I love her? Why do you love Sam, and I Deeps... Why have we never thought about it? Since the time we argued and counterargued that we were NOT in love, the thing that convinced us was what we were feeling at that moment... Like how it felt being with her, like how I'd want to wake up next to her, like how it felt with the warmth of her care and togetherness around me... But never did we give it a thought that why, why is she just the one, why when we played the field no lady was capable of arousing such protective instincts and care as SHE is...

'Well for the simple reason that the chemistry you share with her..........'

(interrupted by Andy)
No Rish, nope, we cannot dismiss it as mere chemistry...

'What is the best thing about Deeps according to your sage brains Mr. thinking-womens-guy...???'

Shut up Moron!!! I don't know... Look can you stop making it difficult and act a little serious...

'Hey hey hey, chill dude! I was trying to buy you time to think... okay lets cut the crap, hit this baby on the highway and lets talk...'

Your baby is so powerful, it gives a man that sense of power to rule or ride the world... Whoooo

'Dude O-U-R our baby, Gawd! Couldn't you just learn a little english!!! Help Him!!!!! And he had a writer as a girlfriend...!!! What will happen when you propose her!'

Cut the drama...

~~I can see it in your eyes I can see it in your smile You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide 'Cause you know just what to say And you know just what to do And I want to tell you so much, I love you ... ~~

Even God has his ways... Trust the disc to start playing at Lionel Richie.... Hey thats it!!!! Thats bloody hell it! (Screeching of tyres...) I know what attracts me to her...

'What??' (quizzicaly eyebrow raised)

You know all through my life I have always had to explain myself to people, why I am doing this, saying that, what is the reason for which I have this stand etc etc, and seldom people have understood me so well... Deeps just reads me like a book... She understands me just bloody so well... When I need someone to ease my troubled mind, she's that fresh lease of air, she completes my sentences, gives words to my expressions and emotions... She understands my need to climb all mountains, ford all streams, safari all jungles till I find that dream, a dream that I want to dream every living moment of mine..

She pays so much attention to every little thing about me, is that she makes me feeel valued, important, as if I have some part in her life...

'And....??'

What and? I guess this is one of the major reasons I like her...

'The other minor ones...?'

Well its not exactly minor, I probably used the wrong term, its the other things I love about her, her ability to communicate with everyone, her never say die-attitude, she even impressed mom for God's sake!!! She has a solution in all the troubled times, she never gets too upset in a crisis and why so? Well because she sees it as a lesson she'll laugh or smile at 5 years down the line...'
She has accepted me just as I am, she doesn't want me to change being me, I drink she doesn't like it, but she'll never say why are you drinking? or don't drink... We lay risky bets where I promise her I'll do whatever she says, she wins all the times, yet she never asks me not to do, or to do something, because she respects the individual in me...

'Andy if you don't mind shall I say something...?'

Andy!!!?you never call me that!!! Whats troubling you, sure I need you, you know that...

'Do you jst like her for what she does for you? She understands you, is a reason to love her, but is it just the reason? Sam and I understand you better than anyone else, Ria your last girlfriend had the real zest for life, your mom was impressed with her because her cooking made auntie her fan.... but the point you are missing here is that these are the things she brings positives or highlight of Deeps's persona... Dont you just love anything about her? Isn't there anything in her that you have never found in somebody?'

You know Rish I respect what you said... but now I am even more confused... (after an extremely long pause...)

'Buddy think about what she brings into your life, and why she brings them, how she brings them...'

'You know what I love about her is just her... Her deep sense of reception and introception, she understands the complex emotions so well... I love her for gentle soul and nourishing heart... She is worldwise yet she's not a cynic, she's an individual whose not dependent on me... She needs you, but she can live on her own... She's the confidante for any person...

She's the sunshine in your life yaar...' says Rish

'She admires the person in you, respects you for your sense of righteousness... stands by your good and bad decisions, cause she knows you deal every situation in the best way you can, she trusts you for that... And that's the best part of being Deeps; her simplicity and her strength...'

~~ Lonely rivers flow to the sea,to the sea 
to the open arms of the sea
lonely rivers sigh 'wait for me, wait for me' 
I'll be coming home wait for me ~~

I really do Love her you know... Every time our eyes meet, that feeling inside me, is something more than I can take, I don't know what she does, how she does, but spending each day with her makes it getting better...

'smiling all the way' 'you really do, and lets get you home so that she knows now... Why :) '

part 2 ends