Tuesday, November 10
Wednesday, May 13
My Dear ----------
Today I am torn between your need of wanting me to be there with you, and my pain of realising my demeanor has left you wanting more. As the case seems I have never left your side, I have always, will always be there for you. it's not that I have an option not to, but I chose not to have an option. My Love for you was a reason, my respect for you was the reason's reason.
You have held yourself high in all trying and testing times, weakened only when you feared loosing me, this strength is what I derived my strength from. How can I leave your side, when it's the side I draw sight from, I draw sense from. How could I not be on your side when trials and tribulations hit you on your face, when I am the one to be protecting your beutiful face from scars and pains. How could I not be on your side, when you would have not been in the mess that you are, had I not been on your side?
The love as we so call it, doesn't have a definition, I don't know why I love you, I don't know what is Love, if I were to be asked whether I loved you, I'd say yes, but would I mean it, I don't know. All I know is that I want to spend all my waking moments with you, I want to be the pain in your life, I want to be the balm to it too. I want you to be the guiding light in my life, even if you loose the way and not ask for directions. I want you to be the touch I feel, even though I brand you as insensitive. I want you to be my fashion critic, even though I think your dressing sense would scare off Govinda. I want you to be my smile, even though the tears are given by you.
The first thought that strikes me when I do something, is not whether God would approve, or my family would pat me on my ack, but whether you'd nod your head in approval and support. The first thought that strikes me when I am mean, or I bitch is whether you'd say that you are disappointed.
I am by your side because I need you, like I need my independence, like I need to communicate, like I need to read, like I need to express, like I want to live.
So don't ever ask me to be there, I am already there...
again the cliché :)
Sunday, May 3
With bated breath
I wait for you,
The lights dim my eye
My body crippled with desire.
My senses all dimmed,
My underbelly on fire.
I have waited long,
For that touch
or that song,
The porcelain skin you caressed
Baked to clay
The Brown locks you cajoled
Aged to Gray.
When I had you,
I loved you
But it was never enough.
Your beauty enchanted me,
Your rhythms mesmerised me,
Your touch emboldened me,
Your smell aroused me,
But it was never enough.
You came into my life,
Like a season out of time,
You swept me off my feet,
The poetry of it all
Skipped many a beat.
I took you as mine,
your love divine,
but the feelings didn't last
because a child grows up
and wants a different treat.
You felt my withdrawal
and made a retreat,
leaving me to face the heat.
The heat of the desire,
The smell of your skin
The pulse of my beat,
The need to be akin
Your absence extinguished that light
The candle wept itself to death.
The wick refused to catch fire
And the doll melted away...
Your beauty was all understated
It was the Rose without the scent
Your virtue was the fragrance
My love for you was the Colour
It wasn't your beauty which enthralled me,
that was just my body.
It wasn't your virtue that captured me,
that was just my ethics.
It wasn't your smell that aroused me,
It was an artificial turn on.
It wasn't your eyes that arrested me,
that was just my vision.
The compelling need,
The burning desire,
The dimmed senses,
The jaded heart,
The broken Smiles,
The perennial tears,
The aftermath of your retreat,
The longing and never loving
Arises from what made our love so strong.
Arises From your pure heart,
that was washed with the morning dew,
nourished by the mountain rains,
protected by the Goddess of sea,
trusted by me.
So come back to me
and let the sun loose its heat
let the leafs quench their thirst
let peasants smile
let mountains divide
let oceans be wide,
let me be yours,
For I love You
and I always will
Come back to me.
Come back to me...
Tuesday, February 10
I'm Madhavi, Madhavi Sharma. And you are?
The train was crossing an over bridge, making conversation impossible over the next few minutes.
"I am Niyati, and this is my fiancé Neel. Aren't you that famous writer, whose written 'is it you, is it me, is it Love?'
(Smiling) So you have read that little creation of mine? Yeah I am the one, I am a little honored that you recognized me.
'Humility! And such a big award winning author! Man it's like rarer tan a
"Hush...Shut up! So Mam, when's your next book coming? Do you know Mam, this is my most favourite book, no not kidding, because this book rings true somewhere for each of us. It's not a pro-woman love story, or a book from a feminist point of view, or a Chick-lit, it's a book that makes us look at our relations with a new light. Even Neel read the book. Didn't you Neel?" (Nudging Neel with his elbow, Niyati glares at him.)
'Ya ya that's true, Aa Mam, I mean apart from the other racy action or suspense thrillers, which men surreptitiously read, this book stuck a chord, I mean I could identify with your character Andreas, it's there some where in every man, and all of us want to have a partner like Rhea, the inexpressibility of Rishi, the ego's, the inability to handle a woman in the lows of her emotion, the complexity of understanding her needs, yet tiding over all to just let the light shine, is just so powerful, because everyone gives up at the onset of troubles.'
Thank You, I am really glad you liked it so much.
"But I really need to ask you something? Why was it that it was always Rhea who adjusted, changed, bended or whatever you term it, I'd call why was it she who only compromised to keep the relation working? Why did she never demand things? I mean I respect her situation and why she handled it, I get that, but the point is she was always left dissatisfied, because even if she didn't say, you could understand the pain she was going through, it jumped out of the lines..." asked Neel
What will you have Madam, Tea or Coffee? And you Sir and Madam
Black Tea, without sugar, make it extra strong please.
"2 cups of Tea for us. Chini kam dijeyega."
'Rhea even had extra strong black coffee.' teased Niyati
(Smiling) I don't know I personally believed that Rhea was someone who wanted a lot, or needed a lot to be satisfied, she was a very deep person, so her love was extremely deep. And that somewhere made things difficult for her. She loved Rishi deeply, but it was impossible for someone else to love as intensely as she loved, hence the dissatisfaction. It was a pain she was inflicting upon herself and she had to handle it herself, deal with it, that's why probably you felt her agony, answered Madhavi.
'But it wasn't fair, when Rishi loved Rhea, he should have understood her little wants and desires. It wasn't as if she wanted elaborate things, she just wanted togetherness, contentment and to feel safe, which was justified. Rhea had seen a lot of broken relations, her own parents were divorced, so she had to be always unsure of herself, doubting the thing, she may not be that demanding, but come on man, as a man I can say Rishi was wrong.' said Neel.
"But Neel look at it from Rishi's point of view, at that point he had just been promoted to a new position, he was working as a head of a group, his work was all over his head, even you were so involved in your work, you even forgot our anniversary, and I was fine with it, because you were busy working. It's not as if you didn't care about my emotions, it's because you had things involved. Same with Rishi, it was his way to look at life, it was his second relation and he loved her deeply, but the point remained was that he didn't understand Rhea's needs and lets forgive for that."
'No Niyati no, it's an excuse; all these are excuses to cover one's insensitivity. Even you were busy in office, even you had to attend your sisters’ marriage, yet you remembered everything, you made time for everything. You never forgot my little needs or wants; you never failed to reason out my insensitivity or my lack of care for you. Men are insensitive, says all those who want to hide their mistakes to satisfy there ego. If we have progressed then why does the woman be dissatisfied? Why are you lonely when we are engaged to be married, why was Rhea lonely? Why don't you not forget to wake me up every morning, however busy you are, but how conveniently I leave you sleeping on the bed and leave for office. Don't you feel cold waking up alone? It’s just an excuse.' burst out Neel, his face was a mirage of different emotions. Each one rawer than the pother, it was as if he felt more pain for Rhea than Niyati had.
"Neel Honey I Love You and it's okay whatever is okay, we take it a part of our relation, I will Love you till the end, so this why you were behaving so strangely, you felt hurt for your actions, you hated yourself for what you did. Don't do that again. I had thought you stopped loving me..." Niyati starts crying
Neel hugs Niyati and they are crying for a long while, it's only when Madhavi says that they really were exceptionally in love, did they remember her presence? They thanked her profusely, for which she was thoroughly confused.
The train reached Dhanbad, where someone boarded the train and kissed Madhavi, Neel asked him, a little unashamed and clearly curiously, disregarding any privacy.
Surprised, the man answers, "I am Rishi, Rishi Sharma, Madhavi's husband, hello, and you are?"
You are Rishi!!! Gaped Neel and Niyati from Madhavi to Rishi, and Rishi shared amused glances, for which Madhavi only smiled, well she knew the reason of the surprise.
They had been through to this before also, the only difference was; Madhavi got her new story...