Tashan aka X'taarshan'

On a fateful Friday morning I come back home bracing the sweltering heat of Kolkata summer, which is yet to be declared a heatwave... Pulak suggested a sprint to watch Tashan? Well... I have my Tax class,but for the movie I will miss it!!!

Oho bad bad decision take it back, take it back...

We reached 40 minutes early to buy a ticket, because it was just releasing in single screen theatres as a battle was ensuing for revenue sharing... (*warning Bells again being ignored*)

After a solid wait for 1 hour, the movie started late as the previous show ended late (because ah well the distributors gave the cinema wrong duration duh!!! YRF strikes again)...
First comes the three advertisement for YRF's upcoming releases 'Bachna aeHasino' which seems decent, 'Thora pyaar, thora magic' , 'Roadside Romeo' well here ends the best part of the movie..
The movie begins-- Help!!! the neon lights are hurting my eyes, bhai when did single screen theaters have neon lights? 'Shut Up Ido, its the introduction to the movie and its not neon lights its the costumes they are wearing.' Oh!!!

First 45 minutes of the movie has Saif; (in whose company girls are not 'Safe' becuase he has some pathetic sense of principles in dating students from his english classes, because ah well in his two barreled funny moustache and stolen cargo-frumpy pants no intelligent call centre chic is gonna give him ghaas, because he ravenously pants like a dog in front of any gal,) and a wet sultry Kareena in an eye hurting emerald green something sembling a kurta; panting and lusting around Kareena and trying to teach 'angrezi', the gawdy and hideous character of the Gutkha chewing 'Bhaiyaji' who is Javed Jaafery's crocodile reinvented and glamed to the OTT, . Which is so incoherent that u actually await subtitles to understand the movies dialogues!!! But Alas!! how could you expect YRF to be so understanding?
Well what happens apart from this I won't say, not to ruin your excitement at the plot, but not to expose the fact that there is nothing apart from this!!!!! No story no phaarmoola... (Warning: run to your English teacher in the first 40 minutes itself, the movie has nothing after that either, but only an opportunity to start preparing 2nd grade English and then being qualified to win Kya aap Panchvi paas se tez hain...

Its only After when Akki enters that he saves the movie from killing you with his historic even if they don't make sense to u, as to why did he slip into this role? Why did he start the story of Guriya? Why Saif suddenly turned into Sean Penn like a good guy learning the ropes of the bad bad world? From where did the 6 Chinese martial arts experts came and went? How could he accept the role of a Kanpuri Superman? He is affable, on the line and manages to shine even in the crazy mambo jumbo role of Bachchan Pande!!!

Well Saif is improving from being a wooden furniture to a wooden hammer, Kareena does her bit of looking like the sexed up glam doll (despite the horrendous wig in the middle of a desert with colorful extra's) Anil had it not been for him, you would have threw the remains of your Pepsi at the screen in disgust, yet he is awful!!! No Tashan No substance... Is the most stalemate affect of Jhoom Barabar Jhoom...

Well one advice this movie is a hazard for all Chartered accountants!! You cannot put this expenditure into any category and you will not even get insurance claim for the sickness caused by this movie!!! and well this movie is a liability!!! YRF GROW UP!!!!

So as the first scene saw the red merc sink along with Saif talking to the camera, because well, nobody else looked at him, and Akki holding a gun to his head, you too would sink if you watched this movie with somebody putting a gun to your head... !!!

I give it well * (one star out of 100) for giving me chips during a movie after ages!!! Multiplexes don't serve chips nah!!!