Dear diary part 6

Dear diary

Sometimes I keep wondering how is it when you understand someone completely, when someone understands you enough to know that your actions which may hurt them are not intentional... Everybody have issues in their life... You may know them, you may not... When you know their issues and understand them, it gets even more difficult when they hurt you, to draw reason... Because then you are torn between loyalty and hurt. Your loyalty to understanding them, they reacted because they are hurt, because they are so trapped, that they snap at very little things, but on the same time you are trapped with that deep hurt for them not understanding that even you share the same position with them. You also have issues which are common, which are your personal...Which they may know, which they may not. Yet they fail to understand when you are upset, when you snap out, reasonably unreasonably. It hurts you to think that they don't understand you. But what hurts deeper is when they go a step ahead and lay blames and accusations on your door. They call you heaven alone knows what not. Sometime a person who doesn't know how to smile or enjoy, a person who sucks out happiness in whichever place they are, short tempered, arrogant, rude, cruel, jinked...They'll say you don't understand, you just want happiness, you can't understand sorrow, you being immature... Maybe they are right, maybe your defense is just too high... Maybe you don't accept that their criticism is not baseless, is not without reason, its you who are without reason. You suck happiness from every room, you ruin small ,moments of sharing happiness, so what if you try to create some, but they snap out then, so what if you try and joke and dance, and talk and smile always, but still you have no right to be upset or show it, so what if whatever you do is wrong, its nothing, so what if you are ungrateful for whatever they have done for you, YOU have to learn to understand, for thats how the dice roles, in all relations their has to be compromise, there has to be understanding, compassion and a common thread called love bonding you all...


Sometimes I wonder how it feels to be a wimp, a person on the brink of becoming a looser- a failure. When the backbone of determination falls, it brings along with itself self doubt, self questioning, embarrassment which borders on public humiliation, loss of motivation to achieve something, and a constant desire to fade away... Someone who sees no future, no road, no sense of direction, but many multiple bays, to choose another way...When you have to many options open to yourself, such that when you try and motivate yourself and go ahead with something the lack of guts to complete it, makes you take an easy option- The Way Out... When you sometimes wonder does the universe actually conspire to give you what you want? Do you actually need to keep forgetting the past hurt to let new hurt to settle in?

Sometimes I think... Diary I have decided I am not going to read anymore of those dark self-help-thought-provoking-view-invoking books... Its risky yaar, lest I become a dull depressing brooding person like them....EEEEEKKKKSSS!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOO
I am closing all my brains...aaaa...I mean books... Its back to brainless, eeesh I mean, thoughtless, no I mean happy go lucky kind of Mills-and-Boons and Men-Are-From-Mars-Women-From-Venus...

See I am not that immature, I do think, what say ;)

Chao