It is you, It is me, 'It' is Love...

Door being opened

Deeps I am home.... Rish's baby is damn powerful, I mean it kicks your gut... The ride it gives you is just wow! Well my next buy would be the Porche now... This house was 2 years back, I can now afford a Porche!! Imagine what a marriage, that Jerk has a Jaguar and me a Porche, we'll rule the land at 140... :-) Oh! the fridge doesn't have juice, Damn!!!! I was supposed to get it, sorry I forgot! No no don't be benevolent I'll have water instead no need for the alcahol thing... Where the hell are you yaar... Not in the kitchen, not in the dining room, nor in the studies.............. or the bedrooms!!! Is this a game of hide and seek? 

'Here in the window, come to my room, I dont stay in your room dear, that is if you have noticed...' I'm sitting on the window open the curtains you'll find me there...'

What are you doing here? Come down you'll fall off!!!

'Stop acting like an Ido, there are grills, I am sitting on the marble platfor, this is like a small verandah, an aclove types... Little known to you, in such weather you will always find me here with my laptop...'

You sit here?!? Why? 

'The open sky, the view from here, the gentle breeze talks to me, being here I can feel the diversity in the world, it humbles me, and tells me that my world is just so small, there is so much saddness all around, so my problems very meagre, but my happiness unbounded, Its like the sense of freedom, not being tied down with any expectations, nothing to bog u down... To live our life as our own... The nature dictates its laws for its life, why can't we do so for ours? This ambience just completes me... ' smiling...

'You tell me, how was your drive with Rish? and don't tell me Mr. Andreas Dumaski now wants to buy a Ferrari or Porsche...'

Sometimes its like I don't know you, you are just so mysterious, there is always one layer of your persona waiting to be uncovered... You think this was the last, I have figured her out, and you spring a surprise!!! The sense of euphoria just evaporates to a feeling of unsettlement... You are unpredictable!!! and people have this opinion about me, yet you read me like a book, like you author my lines, instead of your posts!!! Why? How?

'Hmmmm that means you spent the entire drive talking to him about me... Why I wonder..?'

As if you don't know why...

'Why?'

AAAArrrrgggggggghhhhhh I hate het smartness, with just one word, end of all the arguments from my side, and now what? I am trapped in the black hole, called answer... Its a black hole because I can never answer fast enough, well enough, correct enough to pull me out of this... I keep getting caught and end up seeping in more and more, ony to be saved when the black hole creator decides to forgive my poor soul..

'God! Deeps you asked me a life changing question and now you feign innocence!'

Was it one?

I give up Deeps!!! You are crazily smart...  Yes it was one, very frankly speaking it hit home some truths...

'Want some juice?'

Theres none in the fridge... 'There are some on the dining table in the dining room...'

Coming back I don't know why I love you, or I didn't know it... All I know was earlier I thought I loved you because you understood me so well... You were there forever whenever I needed an alter ego... You respect me the person... but I have realised I should have loved you for just you, you are introspective, mature, sensible caring individual, ou temper my arrogance and make me seem as me... I don't know why I love you, but just looking at you, I know you are the one for me....

'By the Way you have quoted a part of what Rishi feels for me... close your mouth,guessing it wasnt the way I knew it, I know Rishi like the back of my hand, for half my life now, I can complete his thoughts...'

Why do you love me?

'I don't know all I know is that whether you understand me or not, whether I depend on you or not, the sense of fulfillment and completion I get from you, is worth a million sacrifices, a thousand lives, a hundred fears and a lifetime of happiness...I can see it in your eyes, your voice that you are the person I feel deeply linked with...I didn't know why I loved you, hence asked you this, though not expecting you to quote Rishi, or take it so seriously that you forget that today was Rishi's birthday... and you forgot to wish him...' smiled Deeps...

I'll wish Rishi right now... Deeps you know I love you right...

'Andy I may know it, I doubt you know it...'

Is it you, is it me, is it love (2)

Where is Sam? Why are you alone?

'Sam decided that she didn't want to contribute her two-bit-worth advice in a mens only conversation... So she's looking for a holiday package for all four of us for the new year... My wonderful expensive Sam or rather wonderfully expensive Sam... ' 'But lets bunk all that and get straight to whats bothering the two of you...'

You know Rishi, I have been thinking since the time she asked me this question, and no not as a joke but seriously, why do I love her? Why do you love Sam, and I Deeps... Why have we never thought about it? Since the time we argued and counterargued that we were NOT in love, the thing that convinced us was what we were feeling at that moment... Like how it felt being with her, like how I'd want to wake up next to her, like how it felt with the warmth of her care and togetherness around me... But never did we give it a thought that why, why is she just the one, why when we played the field no lady was capable of arousing such protective instincts and care as SHE is...

'Well for the simple reason that the chemistry you share with her..........'

(interrupted by Andy)
No Rish, nope, we cannot dismiss it as mere chemistry...

'What is the best thing about Deeps according to your sage brains Mr. thinking-womens-guy...???'

Shut up Moron!!! I don't know... Look can you stop making it difficult and act a little serious...

'Hey hey hey, chill dude! I was trying to buy you time to think... okay lets cut the crap, hit this baby on the highway and lets talk...'

Your baby is so powerful, it gives a man that sense of power to rule or ride the world... Whoooo

'Dude O-U-R our baby, Gawd! Couldn't you just learn a little english!!! Help Him!!!!! And he had a writer as a girlfriend...!!! What will happen when you propose her!'

Cut the drama...

~~I can see it in your eyes I can see it in your smile You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide 'Cause you know just what to say And you know just what to do And I want to tell you so much, I love you ... ~~

Even God has his ways... Trust the disc to start playing at Lionel Richie.... Hey thats it!!!! Thats bloody hell it! (Screeching of tyres...) I know what attracts me to her...

'What??' (quizzicaly eyebrow raised)

You know all through my life I have always had to explain myself to people, why I am doing this, saying that, what is the reason for which I have this stand etc etc, and seldom people have understood me so well... Deeps just reads me like a book... She understands me just bloody so well... When I need someone to ease my troubled mind, she's that fresh lease of air, she completes my sentences, gives words to my expressions and emotions... She understands my need to climb all mountains, ford all streams, safari all jungles till I find that dream, a dream that I want to dream every living moment of mine..

She pays so much attention to every little thing about me, is that she makes me feeel valued, important, as if I have some part in her life...

'And....??'

What and? I guess this is one of the major reasons I like her...

'The other minor ones...?'

Well its not exactly minor, I probably used the wrong term, its the other things I love about her, her ability to communicate with everyone, her never say die-attitude, she even impressed mom for God's sake!!! She has a solution in all the troubled times, she never gets too upset in a crisis and why so? Well because she sees it as a lesson she'll laugh or smile at 5 years down the line...'
She has accepted me just as I am, she doesn't want me to change being me, I drink she doesn't like it, but she'll never say why are you drinking? or don't drink... We lay risky bets where I promise her I'll do whatever she says, she wins all the times, yet she never asks me not to do, or to do something, because she respects the individual in me...

'Andy if you don't mind shall I say something...?'

Andy!!!?you never call me that!!! Whats troubling you, sure I need you, you know that...

'Do you jst like her for what she does for you? She understands you, is a reason to love her, but is it just the reason? Sam and I understand you better than anyone else, Ria your last girlfriend had the real zest for life, your mom was impressed with her because her cooking made auntie her fan.... but the point you are missing here is that these are the things she brings positives or highlight of Deeps's persona... Dont you just love anything about her? Isn't there anything in her that you have never found in somebody?'

You know Rish I respect what you said... but now I am even more confused... (after an extremely long pause...)

'Buddy think about what she brings into your life, and why she brings them, how she brings them...'

'You know what I love about her is just her... Her deep sense of reception and introception, she understands the complex emotions so well... I love her for gentle soul and nourishing heart... She is worldwise yet she's not a cynic, she's an individual whose not dependent on me... She needs you, but she can live on her own... She's the confidante for any person...

She's the sunshine in your life yaar...' says Rish

'She admires the person in you, respects you for your sense of righteousness... stands by your good and bad decisions, cause she knows you deal every situation in the best way you can, she trusts you for that... And that's the best part of being Deeps; her simplicity and her strength...'

~~ Lonely rivers flow to the sea,to the sea 
to the open arms of the sea
lonely rivers sigh 'wait for me, wait for me' 
I'll be coming home wait for me ~~

I really do Love her you know... Every time our eyes meet, that feeling inside me, is something more than I can take, I don't know what she does, how she does, but spending each day with her makes it getting better...

'smiling all the way' 'you really do, and lets get you home so that she knows now... Why :) '

part 2 ends

 

Is it you, is it me, is it love?

“Sometimes I sit and wonder why do you love me? What is it that you like about me?”

Huh!!!! What?

“No really, why do you say that you like me, that I am the one, that I brighten up your day, I am the sun in your sky, why do you think we are perfect for each other, we complete each other…??”

What!!!! What are you thinking? Why are you thinking this? Why this question all of a sudden? Baby is something wrong? Did I hurt you? Is something bothering you…?

“No Andy just a passing thought, it just came aise hi, no preamble, no reason, no occasion, just wanted to know… Why the surprise? ‘’

Dear, I am still reeling under the full import of your question, its like confusing me and freaking me out in a weird way, I think something is wrong…

“Come on Andy, you Andrea should know by now that I have things on my mind, I don’t cloak them and say, I express them as they are…”

Hmmm… Why do I like you and only you, why are you the most important person in my life? Why is it that I want to share every little little things and events with you, Why do I get insecure without you? All these are trick questions, give me time to answer… I have never thought about it… I need time sweets, but am sure of one thing that I love you, for today and ever and ever…

“You think of a reason while I go make cheese popcorn and nacho’s along with cold coffee, till then you be ready… Till then dear…” grinning!!!

Women!!! God! Why did you make them so?I mean here we were sitting an enjoying a quiet evening together after ages, trying to discover more of(Ahemm!! )…about each other when what does it strike her? Lets play “who wants to e a millionaire!!!” Who wants to be a millionaire?? Oh dear God, the chances of you knowing the ever so temptin million dollar questions answer is negligible, and your life lines wont work as well..!!! Well let me try to use one atleast ‘Call a friend’…

(Phone rings) ‘Hey man! Wats up? Enjoying a lazy Sunday!!!???’

Sunday my foot yaar, I need your help, big time!!!

‘Slow down dude slow down, explain me the mess you have gotten into… What happened with Deeps now?’

Dude!! How’d you guess its her?

‘I am not single either, and ou were sounding deperate, its only when it’s a car trouble, you run out of your scotch or H-E-R, since you won’t be driving now, and we bought Scothch esterday, so its h-e-r. Tell me dude, you must be on the timer!!!’

What do I like about her? Why did I fall in love with her?

‘Oh Man! You are really caught in a web!!! Seriously man, never love intelligent females they’ll take you for six!!!’

No yaar, seriously, this has even got me thinking, why do I like her, why is it that I turn for comfort and its only with her do I find it? Why did I pursue her?

‘Want to go for a drive and talk it out? Before you say, No Sam won’t mind, and No I’d rather not spend an evening with her rather than you, plus I could bring her along, women understand emotions better… Want to come along with Deeps or alone?’

Alone, definitely, and bring Sam along, she’s the brains, let me check with Deeps whether she could spare me… I’ll message you if she does, and your car by the way, riding that Jag of yours inspires me…

‘Sure but you buy the Scotch… Ahhh I mean the Juices this is my non-alcoholic beverage weekend. Ok Till then, buddy, and don’t fret alone…’

(keeps the phone down and goes looking for Deeps)

Deeps, Honey do you mind if I go out with Rishi and Sam….? No on second thoughts ill you come along with us…?

‘Now!!!!? On Sunday?!!!? All ok? Sure you go ahead, nah I wont join you, will do a little bit of catching up on my blog, you go and have fun, and don’t worry about our conversation, we’ll have it sometime later…’

You sure you don’t want to come along? You sure you don’t mind?

‘Dear if I did, I would tell you… Go and have fun, but remember this is a dry weekend!!!’

Yeah yeah I remember… Bie Dear… Take Care, Call if u need something… (drat it had to be a dry weekend, now there is no scotch or cognac to bolster my thoughts!!! Muttered Andy…)

Part 1 ends…

Its the Right choice baby!!!

It’s the right choice baby…

Interesting catchline from Pepsi now that I sit and think about the current situation I am in, and my life… Will we ever know whats the right choice, or in fact whats our choice? Nah… I don’t think so.. We are always dictated by so many forces and extremes in life that our decision is always a merger or a marriage between the wisdom of world and worldly pleasure, never do we actually or have we actually considered or made a choice by our wisdom and pleasures union… Each of our decision is at some level aimed to bring peace with some notions, standards or desires of the world and the society… Which I wouldn’t say is wrong, but then that means living your life like the one and sundry, no difference between you and your beloved half, or you or your friendly neighbour, or the hostile landlord… It’s like reading a Mills and Boon book, you can predict the end, the names in all the books are similar, the challenges the characters go through are always a dime and a dozen, just the settings change, the places change, the names change (only to be repeated in some other series)… At the end its always happy ever after for the two people in question, and we get inspired and assume our playing in the puppet galleries of the world has made us happily ever after…

Are you happy, contented or satisfied? Am I? We think so, but then why the seeds of doubt at the time of dusk? Why the feeling of discontentment in your sleep, why the lack of adrenalin and excitement when the dawn breaks, why the feeling of reaching out and hugging somebody when we feel alone, why the continuous frenzied activity and tiredness when satisfaction or happiness brings with themselves a blanket of peace and contentment?

These questions were raised in the darkest corners of my mind a few days back when I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, and a guide of mine… My friend always told me my studying Chartered Accountancy- a drudgery subject, didn’t suit me much, but nevertheless since I (thought) Wanted to do it, that person was all motivational and the works… But one fine day on a long session of exchange of idea and gossip, I happened to tell him that when I was in the 10^th standard, my Dramatics or Theater sir was convinced that the future for me lies in being a dramatization, and that I would make an immensely gifted director, and I should try for drama courses after class 12… Even though it came from one of the most successful and respected theater personalities of Calcutta, I had just laughed it off, and never even considered it… (ya ya I know the heights of arrogance or should I say stupidity of mine…). My friend was speechless for a few moments and then reacted as if I had lost my mind and wits to have if not pursued the choice, but then at least given it a serious thought… It was then when we started discussing the so called irony of my ‘right choice’ and how I acted like a total kid (read baby for the heck of the tagline) while making a career choice. Then a conversation with another friend, philosopher and guide made me actually sit and think what were my strength, my dreams and passion… (Yikes this is also a topic for my speech on Monday!!!!!!!!) and I realised I could tabulate a list of careers I could make, I wanted to make, people thought was ideal for me, and I am doing something, which ironically, no one, absolutely no one in the world saw me doing, or thought was my genre or sphere….

Let me first make a list of them and why people think that could be a career choice for me…

1# The first being what I have already discussed- A Director and direct some plays… Sir’s logic was that I give so much attention to detail, and make the story more closer to real life by setting the story with impulsive and spontaneous reactions and action… At that time I hadn’t understood a word, I never even considered it because at that time I was set on doing cardiology, so I had laughed it off…

2# Cardiology/ Doctor- My family doctor is convinced that I have ruined my life acting to the demands of my ‘conservative marwari business mind’ and not taking up medicine, and all this why? Just because I could measure blood pressure, or take pulse rates, or check the heart beats for their normality or take an ECG test… and a little more knick knacks…??!!?? Well I had wanted to do cardiology probably all my life, but when I wasn’t allowed it was taken in a positive spirit by me…

3# Then came my friends suggestion that I take up psychology… Their reasons were that I ‘understood human mind and its complexities’ so well, that I should probably make it my bread and work as a human resource head for my butter, if not vice-versa… Till Date a lot of people are convinced that I’d be the perfect counselor…( God! This one was actually funny… because for one I am not mature enough myself, and two me and understanding? Since when???)

4# Then people were convinced that since I wasn’t studying medicine, I’d be studying political science, and then take up law and specialise in criminal…( Hello!! Lawyer? Me why?) Oh Ido! For the simple reason you can convince a person dying that it’s the best thing that could happen (eeeks! I hate this analogy) and your political mind helps o second guess every thing, you are so cautious and you clear your tracks so well that ou can prove any crime…( Guys was that intended to be a praise??)

The next two are actually close to my heart, These are something I’d always wanted to do but couldn’t, which doesn’t go to say wouldn’t…

5# Then I decided that fine I’ll do Mass-communication now, and study journalism… The story of people not expecting or wanting or suggesting I would make writing as a career dates back to my school… Class IV if my memory doesn’t fail me, was when my class teacher called up mom to school and asked her to read the paragraphs I wrote, or the sentences I constructed, she was sure that one day she’d be proud to have a writer like me… Surprisingly I didn’t remember this until yesterday (ya ya one incident even I am allowed to forget..!!!) till I met that teacher of mine somewhere… and she asked me do u still write…!!! Then I used to write poems till I was 12 or 13, but then I gave it all up, cause it took too much of my computer time…( well guilty as charged, I have been a pc addict since then…) Then I started writing again at 17 or 18, but this time it was a medium of expression and defiance… My views were a little less appreciated or sought at places, so I captured them and formed them in words… Then since last year I started writing a blog… I still don’t really believe I write well, though I have so many of you contradicting that for me, but though I’d never planned to be serious about it, now I do give it a thought… (the thanks for the motivation will go individually J )

6# I have discussed this once before- Cooking… Its not just a hobby, it’s a passion for me.. My mom will claim that I was an L'Enfant Terrible in the kitchen, I used to give my shot at cooking as early as 4 or 5… The irony is that I never taste what I cook… :D (you people are there for me to food poison!!!) but for me food is the best analgesic for all troubled souls, because when you sit with good food, you don’t think about your problems any more, you are not lonely anymore cause food is your company, you take delight in every taste that explode on your buds, and that moment of sheer happiness on someones face is priceless for me… So making my restaurant is not about the money, its about that careless smile… :) Hopefully I’ll get you guys to come to it soon… :D (as in soon is in the next 20 years ;) )

The other Irony of my life is that I am doing something no body wanted, expected or suggested I do and would be good at and that’s Chartered Accountancy… It was a fancy of my family that I am pursuing…

So coming back after such a lengthy discussion, you can never say whats the right choice baby!! Because there are no right or wrong choices, its just guided with expectations…

:)