I, me, Deepshikha

Born under the sun sign of Gemini,
Little did this naughty girl ever cry.
Deepshikha was the name she got,
Who bought the wrath upon those who forgot.
The younger of the two siblings,
Pampered and spoilt was she but still smiling.
Adorable and shy was she,
but if she warmed up to u
A mile a minute would blabber thee
Pink and strawberry were her pet passion
Her twinkling grin was her prime attraction.
The perfect toy for elder brother
Who danced on her tunes without a bother.
Always caring and worrying
Her intelligence always went hunting
Very angry and a with short fuse
She had all the things to make her use
Ok meet the chatterbox who did 10 things a time
Who liked smells but disliked lime.
Ok have a good day
because she wrote you a poem for which you wouldnot pay


Well this poem is what I wrote in school when I was in the 6th standard for an 'english literary club' meeting, cause then I followed rules (yes i did follow them at times :D) ... I had lost it... Its an advance birthday gift for me from a friend who had it... Thanks sweets... Luv ya for this...

God! I was so arrogant of myself then :)

Ashen

Can anyone tell me, why for all my closest friends I come the second? I mean for Achal, Rehana is more important even though they broke up 6 months back due to family pressure, for Adil, Rachiyta is more important even though she doesnt care about him... I agree Rajat and Siya love each other or even Barkha and Karan, but I wonder if I ever have a problem, why am I no ones priority? why exactly is it that all of them can leave me mid- conversation and say of he/she's there and look I am sorry to leave you mid way but I have to talk to her... Or for why does one claim to be in love? does love mean avoid your friends when they need you, even though they miss an exam just to hear you cry??

Ok my next question is why do people, leave a fast live? I mean all the sportspersons, the jocks, the racers, the actors, they all live for today no worry about future no tension...they earn today spend today... they don't have roots no value for other peoples emotion anything... I mean is that a way to live?

My Final question oh forget it first answer these...

Well hang on hang on, I forgot to introduce you to myself... Am Tarini, Tarini well why do u need my full name...?? Have seen a lot in life, family problems, financial problems, marriages divorces, deaths, lottery's everything and am just 23...

Well I thought these were the most important questions of my life, till before I met Adivesh... Adi a racer who drove the formula 3 car, and lived in Germany, an Indian by birth but settled there... He answered my first question- his answer was " friends are always the dispensible part of our lives... they are like our pillows we cry on them but never air them out... we have learnt to neglect them and they are nice enough they dont complain, infact they are so sweet they take away our guilt of being bad... And the most important people in our lives is the one we love, because we know we can never take them for granted, they make their presence felt..."
I believed him

I thought maybe if I marry him I get my answer to my second question, and resolve my problem of first... So i marry Adivesh to become the priority of his life, and to prove my worth to myself... Life was like a Mills-and-Boons tale, whirl whind romance, fairy tale problems, and happily ever after... but well then that wouldn't be life... cause life has an uncanny nack of trying to prove you wrong when you just thought you understood it...

Now started the problems for me and Adi...he was a carefree happy-go-lucky
guy who lived life on the fast lane, parties, life for today...he believed in living and making people live along with him...The life of peoples live's...He was an open book...anyone can read it... And i was a very conservative person i believed in living for tomorrow, savings, being vary, thinking before acting... living life according to your terms, not let anyone dictate terms...but still we learnt to live with each other... but i was very afraid of death, of loosing Adi, going back to my life without him, i don't know what it was, my love for him, or my need for him to make me feel treasured...I was emotionally weak and he supported me... whereas I for him was his life... Our relations had a lot of ups- and - downs and i always felt that i was sacrificing myself, to make our relation last I did everything...

Then one day life mocked at me... It was only that in the morning that we had celebrated the news that our family was now going to enlarge, I was expecting our child which would give our relation a new direction, a new reason... I allowed Adi to convince me to go to the races along with him... I was in the pits, the race began, everything was going smooth, Adi was second he was fighting for the first position a tough battle which he was about to win, when suddenly after exiting the pits Adi's car crashed into the first turn, the rear wheel came off... it skidded, and hit the stand when the other driver to avoid being hit turned his car, it went turtle... God!
O God! Adi... Adi...you ok...God! someone stop that godamn race and then blank... I passed out...

Whew.... all this remembering the past still takes a toll on me, I still miss Adi after 5 years... I have Vinivesh- reinvestment of my dreams to keep me company... I was hounded after that, by photographers, journalist, media, human rights commission, people's welfare homes... I still remember the fear which gripped me while I was at home alone.. NO whose at the door? go away...those days were pure hell... so to avoid that i ran away, I ran away from Germany and came back home, home to India, home to New Delhi... I had enough bonds and investments and thanks to the exchange rate I led a very comfortable life...

All this while I broke loose from people, my insecurity from before marriage, being the second best, scare that people would recognise me as Adi's wife... I wanted to keep things simple for Vinivesh...I didnt want my ast, and my mistake of marrying Adi haunt him... Yes marrying Adi was my mistake.because we weren't meant to be...
The only person I trusted more than me was my best friend Rahul, who stood by me before and after everything... He was for Adi an uncle, a friend philosopher and guide... Rahul encouraged me to write... I started writing a book on my life..

My book...it took me two years too write it.. and in that while vini became every attached to me... I didnt go out have a lot of social life, so my family was restricted to me, vini and out cat sia... with the visits of rahul who pampered the hell of vini...

Suddenly my book interested Rahul... he got an editor- publisher friend to read my book, and don't know how my book went on to be printed and become a best-seller...Now I had to arrange publicity tours, promotion, talk-shows around the globe to promote my book... Vini hated it...he couldn't understand why his mom used to leave him and go... He started demanding more and more of time, and patience from me...and I wasnt ready to give it to him... I slaved my life for him and his father... I ruined my life for them, because of them...and now what I wanted was a few measely hours and life for myself... Why didn't I deserve it? I did and no one could steal that from me... I went to LA to promote my book, and Rahul calls to say Vini ran away to me... He says he is going in search of his father because his momma thinks only of herself, she doesnt care for me... she thinks she ruined her life for me and pap... I hate her... I don't wanna be with her, and no amount of coaxing bought him back to me...

Rahul suggested him adopting Vini... And I powerless granted the request to him...

Now with my second bestseller am ashen... with no sort to rise from my ashes to become a Phoenix... My self worth and hangover that no one valued me ruined me...made my downfall now I want you and Vini and Rahul to forgive me...but don't forget me

Devilsh Listener

My bestest story!!! it is a story no real life incidents...

A new story... was planning to write one long back, but pressing requirements to prove myself saner stalled it ... now am back as me again ( in short serious, psycho and multi-faceted)...


Nicholas aka Nick the epitome of understanding... He was probably a very understanding person, because he thought before he did, he imagined himself in others place and then acted. He was caring, full of life, vibrant, exuberant, innocent, an amazing listener, who could also read minds. But as a normal human he was fallible as the next man. He was mistrusting, impatient, short tempered, a little insecure. He wasn't confident about himself, and thought he had no importance in anyone's lives. The kind of person whom you would not like to anger. Coz' he had a bad bad temper. He did not forgive or forget easily. Which I think was his strength. He had a razor sharp memory edged to perfection. He was a person who exuded confidence, the very presence of this person made things easier. A person always on his toes to find a solution. He was a best friend, and the worst foe you could find. Best friend we already understand why, Foe well we guessed it probably, cause when a person never forgives or forgets and has a temper and an ego things are better left unsaid...
So the character sketch has been drawn and you could now dig deeper into his life...

Once upon a time ( nah this not a fairy tale, it never is with nick around ) there were two close friends Nick and Adonis. Nick we have already met, and Adonis well he was Nicks close friend. A very decent guy, charming personality, right contacts right grooming...ah! the gentleman.... But hold your horses he wasnt that perfect.... When you'd get to know Adonis you'd realize how lonely he was, and he was easily crushable...the person was like a fresh flower fragile, very trusting, easily worried but with the strength of a mountain, he was rock solid but he needed support and encouragement from time to time. When hurt or upset the first thing he does is turn his back on people close to him, coz' then he looses confidence or trust in that relationship, or maybe he doesn't want to sound 'weak'. He hasnt had easy relationships agreed, also the fact that relations which build confidence deserted him, but he was lucky enough to have pillars of supports as friends like Nick behind him, but Adonis lost his trust he spurned all the comfort of them. Maybe this happened because of the fact that Nick preached a lot to Adonis sometime's repeating himself even though he knew Adonis wanted to avoid it, but things in life couldnot be avoided... There are things which need to be faced. Not everything which is faced could be solved, but nothing could be solved till it is faced. So Adonis started shying away from Nick.
He knew that yet again if he needed Nick would be there.

But Nick who had never showed his shortcomings to Adonis and had bared all this always, this time was enraged. He thought that Adonis was being childish and even though he could not completely blame him, Nick was hurt. He went to meet Adonis called him, but nothing worked. So Nick got really angry, and with his dented ego he decided to break free... No more worrying no more tensing up... He'd be there when Adonis called and would listen but no advice or anything... Nick wouldnot go and meet him or call. And Nick truly implemented that...

Whereas Nick cooled down easily, once Adonis called Nick returned to normal forgetting any thing that happened as a distant memory, what was it about Adonis that made Nick forget his ownself and beliefs he didn't know, but he felt thoroughly protective of Adonis. Nick was the first person Adonis would call in a problem, get angry upon hang up, and call again to discuss the solution received or done. But there was a twist in the tale like all fairy tales...

Whereas Nick supported Adonis throughout Adonis though had tall claims of understanding Nick he never did. He never realised Nick was insecure, didn''t think himself capable of friends, had no close friends, was over sensitive. Was very vulnerable and now very pricky to criticism which adversely affected Nick now, which he didnt bother earlier. From being a supremely confident male to a vulnerable man who started living a dual life. One in front of the people, and one the real him. It started killing Nick's spirits, it made him a recluse, a person who didnt even trust his own decisions now. He stopped giving his opinions, stopped discussing things. Because whenever he wanted or needed to talk he had himself for company.
Adonis used to say when you want to check how rich you are drop a tear and see how many hands reach to wipe it, you would have got your wealth. Nick had none. So Nick moved on in life with a fierce determination not to give up, not to loose, cause life doesnot stop at one hurdle, it slows u down to give you the momentum.

But all said and done

Adonis never felt the difference......

Those were not the best days of my life

it was the summer of 2006...
Well ok, I nearly ruined the Bryan Adams' song with the lack of rhyme, but thats how I'd sum up my one (ok nearly one year ) at this place i'll not name...

I am not a person of first impressions, of impulsive behavior. but somehow for God knows what reason that place appalled me. It wasnt the structure (or the lack of it) nor wasit my first impression, it was just my gut.

But the ignorant person I am to my gut, i still enrolled in that place. Little did I know that this place would be the most amusing, the most irritating and agonising place I'd spend my time....

This place was an oxymoron. The people here i mean. They can be sweet and good but are also downright shallow, irritating and nerve wracking.

The first thing about them that ticked me off was their mental level ( or should i say the lack of it). They were too immature or shallow for their age. Fine I'd agree that I was too serious and have a bad sense of humor but come on yaar, I mean they were too much...
They had an opinion about everything. They would comment on people's clothes, their dressing style, their attitude, their love life (or lack of it), their educational background etc etc... For them they are superior and the rest were , well not worth mentioning. I mean I definitely agree this the standard people you would encounter every day in your walk of life. This person is your neighbor, your friend, your relative anyone, but these people were to the extremes.

The next thing was gossip and creating rumors. It was so easy for them to create gossip, malign someones name, without realizing that gossip was like butter once spread cannot be unspread. When it falls it falls on the buttered side only. To those who do it , it is a momentary time pass, for those at the receiving end it may cause sleepless nights ahead, so why indulge in it?

the next was their policy of ruining someones career, how ? simple by copying their work passing it as theirs and the rest is what all of us already know...

But you know what the final straw is? How they broke peoples confidence in themselves and trust in other people, by using them when required and then acting as a stranger when done..

Its nothing extra ordinary, what you find in the daily walk of your life. You could say 'hey I go through the same, but do I hate it, No, so why do you.? ' but then thats not me, I cannot function in such an enviornment where all these catalysts act together.

Hence I hate it! :D

ok another serious blog... sorry I cant change :)