Three Mistakes Of My Life.... Errrrrr

Ok ok before I hear the end of it, Yes I know I make too many mistakes, so it can't be just three mistakes of my life, hence revised title is Three Current Mistakes Of My Life...

1# 'You know Ma,  there are these very few times, when I don't feel all that fine, I mean nothing major though, a niggling backache again, I guess my liver problem comes back every now and then, and I have these recurring mild, very mild headaches a little, I have an abscess on my right leg, I guess it pains a little, and...' 

(Women, when they start talking they completely ignore the other sounds, like the warning bells ringing loudly, and shrilly in their ears, forecasting impeding danger, and that's what happened to me.)

'Ma, why do we have to go to the doctor?? I mean come on Ma, it's not fair! Can't I trust you a with a little secret, I am just not well a L-I-T-T-L-E, I mean I am not dying for God's sake yaa.'

(Damn, this is why women are cursed for talking to much, the memory of my mums raised eyebrows, still silences me in mid-speech now.)

" Silky, as far as I remember I had prescribed certain medicines the last time..."

'No, no you hadn't, you just checked Mom...'

Oh yes you had, and she very well didn't remember to take them - complained mom yet again.

'Ah, Ma, technically speaking, if you remembered, then doesn't the logic say, that you remind me to it...???'

Yeah right, as if you're a 12 year old kid now!!!

(Mum's you can't understand them, through out the time she was cribbing that I am a kid, and all my health doubts should be addressed by the doc immediately, and now in a span of few seconds I am no longer a kid! Help! My mind is also slowing down!!!!)

After a healthy dose of arguments, counterarguments, and emotional (Emphasis on emotional, not practical or moral) lectures later, it was decided that my poor, little, innocently lazy and relaxed lifestyle was the cause of it all...

 ( tch tch tch my doctor had went! Christ! I am 21, allowed to have bad lifestyle...)

"You wake up at 6.30 in the morning, have breakfast at 12 in the afternoon, laze around the whole day, yapping with your cell precariously balanced between your ear and your shoulders, you are eating all the wrong food at the wrong time, you have dinner at 8, sleep at 12, read books lying down, do not take medicines, do not report pain... " 

(Sorry I had been driven into a very small hole, and was feeling claustrophobic, So don't remember the stream of the discussion, just the clincher end...) 

Imagine beta, how bad will Mummy feel ki, because of her bad health you don't take care of your health and fall sick, she will feel she's not a good mother...

(I can still see the wolfish-smile-of I-got-the-cat kinds on their faces...)

Result of my Mistake- I have to take my medicines everyday, I have to have break fast by 10, meals every 4 hours, I cannot lie down and read book, I have to sleep by 10.30, I have no right to yell at mom or bro again for not taking care of their health.. The list is endless... 

(This helped yaar, I feel as fit as a 60 year old grandma now, I have aged gracefully!)

#Second mistake :- Shanti, do you think I am looking fat? "Actually no, I mean yeah a little, pehle se thori moti toh ho gayi ho..."

Mooommm do you think I am looking fat? "Glad you realise it beta, you have become very fat, look at yourself, you don't even fit in your old clothes, when you were in school you were decent, normal types, ab dekho, koi kaam-vaam toh karna hain nahi, din bhar phone, pc, and books, your life has become so sedentary, lazy and auntieji types... " Oh she went on, I just stopped listening, and tried calling someone else, who would tell me I am not looking bad, so I could rest in peace, but tragically nobody helped.

So I decided to visit a few gyms to find out ways to loose some 'puppy fat'...  I just  got too lazy to go, hence dropped the idea...

The kicker came when I was getting ready for a wedding along with my brother, who just comments, "Don't walk with me you know, I am still single, if you walk with me people might assume you to be my wife!!!" :-( 

(Audacity, trust me, I haven't been so embarrassed, because he actually kept teasing me throughout and kept saying do something, do something, he's bloody 5 years older than me!!!)

Result of my mistake:- I now walk for an hour everyday, at a park everyday (just highlighting everyday again) Me and walk :-( That too with all the gossipy-bitchy-we-are-young-page 3ites of my locality in a park, I don't even get the car to drop me off at the park!!! I am not fed with strawberry ice-creams, shakes anymore,  my friends are like if I had a boyfriend, he'd refuse to to be seen out with me... :(

#Third Mistake :- That I thought I could introduce two friends, and have them behave as friends. I introduced two friends, hopefully because they were discussing comments via me, so I thought why not introduce the two of them, and make my life simple. But alas, this is why lack of experience of life comes in. I should have known better, they created a monster gang against me!!! One asked me to shut up, the other called me names, they were discussing whether I am an attitude throwing person, or high maintenance. They were dissecting me, in front of me, as if I didn't exist! They discuss their love life, and work life, their food and their mood amongst them... They forgot me :( 

Tch tch tch...

The result- Now I am bitched about and ragged openly, and now both of them have more time to talk to each other, than talk to me... :( 

They forgot me, I repeat.

So now with a wiser heart and a braver mind, I set my life's journey, while keeping my mind, and contact book, FIRMLY shut!!!

Wants...

Wants...

I want to be by your side,
Where,
Your smile  is beckoning me
Your eyes caressing me
Your laughter tickling me
Your silence speaking to me
Your touch igniting me
Your breath becoming mine
Where begins you and end I

I want to be alone with you,
Where,
I am me
Only yours to be
I play with sand
Unwittingly it become the face of thee
I walk in the water.
Waves assure me
That you are the shore
And me the sea,

That the love rises and falls
Meets and calls
From me to you,
and You to me

Where the wind ruffles my hair,
like you did the night in mere,
telling me of more to come,
Hiding the secrets and keeping mum

Where the sounds calm me,
Like your heart beat did,

Where the smells hold me, entice me
With promises like your arms did..


I want never to wake up
be always yours forever, together,
With your hands in mine,
And your lips on mine...
The dreams so real,
The real so surreal
The fulfillment so deep
The love so divine,
that my feelings are yours,
and your heart is forever
Mine

It is you, It is me, 'It' is Love...

Door being opened

Deeps I am home.... Rish's baby is damn powerful, I mean it kicks your gut... The ride it gives you is just wow! Well my next buy would be the Porche now... This house was 2 years back, I can now afford a Porche!! Imagine what a marriage, that Jerk has a Jaguar and me a Porche, we'll rule the land at 140... :-) Oh! the fridge doesn't have juice, Damn!!!! I was supposed to get it, sorry I forgot! No no don't be benevolent I'll have water instead no need for the alcahol thing... Where the hell are you yaar... Not in the kitchen, not in the dining room, nor in the studies.............. or the bedrooms!!! Is this a game of hide and seek? 

'Here in the window, come to my room, I dont stay in your room dear, that is if you have noticed...' I'm sitting on the window open the curtains you'll find me there...'

What are you doing here? Come down you'll fall off!!!

'Stop acting like an Ido, there are grills, I am sitting on the marble platfor, this is like a small verandah, an aclove types... Little known to you, in such weather you will always find me here with my laptop...'

You sit here?!? Why? 

'The open sky, the view from here, the gentle breeze talks to me, being here I can feel the diversity in the world, it humbles me, and tells me that my world is just so small, there is so much saddness all around, so my problems very meagre, but my happiness unbounded, Its like the sense of freedom, not being tied down with any expectations, nothing to bog u down... To live our life as our own... The nature dictates its laws for its life, why can't we do so for ours? This ambience just completes me... ' smiling...

'You tell me, how was your drive with Rish? and don't tell me Mr. Andreas Dumaski now wants to buy a Ferrari or Porsche...'

Sometimes its like I don't know you, you are just so mysterious, there is always one layer of your persona waiting to be uncovered... You think this was the last, I have figured her out, and you spring a surprise!!! The sense of euphoria just evaporates to a feeling of unsettlement... You are unpredictable!!! and people have this opinion about me, yet you read me like a book, like you author my lines, instead of your posts!!! Why? How?

'Hmmmm that means you spent the entire drive talking to him about me... Why I wonder..?'

As if you don't know why...

'Why?'

AAAArrrrgggggggghhhhhh I hate het smartness, with just one word, end of all the arguments from my side, and now what? I am trapped in the black hole, called answer... Its a black hole because I can never answer fast enough, well enough, correct enough to pull me out of this... I keep getting caught and end up seeping in more and more, ony to be saved when the black hole creator decides to forgive my poor soul..

'God! Deeps you asked me a life changing question and now you feign innocence!'

Was it one?

I give up Deeps!!! You are crazily smart...  Yes it was one, very frankly speaking it hit home some truths...

'Want some juice?'

Theres none in the fridge... 'There are some on the dining table in the dining room...'

Coming back I don't know why I love you, or I didn't know it... All I know was earlier I thought I loved you because you understood me so well... You were there forever whenever I needed an alter ego... You respect me the person... but I have realised I should have loved you for just you, you are introspective, mature, sensible caring individual, ou temper my arrogance and make me seem as me... I don't know why I love you, but just looking at you, I know you are the one for me....

'By the Way you have quoted a part of what Rishi feels for me... close your mouth,guessing it wasnt the way I knew it, I know Rishi like the back of my hand, for half my life now, I can complete his thoughts...'

Why do you love me?

'I don't know all I know is that whether you understand me or not, whether I depend on you or not, the sense of fulfillment and completion I get from you, is worth a million sacrifices, a thousand lives, a hundred fears and a lifetime of happiness...I can see it in your eyes, your voice that you are the person I feel deeply linked with...I didn't know why I loved you, hence asked you this, though not expecting you to quote Rishi, or take it so seriously that you forget that today was Rishi's birthday... and you forgot to wish him...' smiled Deeps...

I'll wish Rishi right now... Deeps you know I love you right...

'Andy I may know it, I doubt you know it...'

Is it you, is it me, is it love (2)

Where is Sam? Why are you alone?

'Sam decided that she didn't want to contribute her two-bit-worth advice in a mens only conversation... So she's looking for a holiday package for all four of us for the new year... My wonderful expensive Sam or rather wonderfully expensive Sam... ' 'But lets bunk all that and get straight to whats bothering the two of you...'

You know Rishi, I have been thinking since the time she asked me this question, and no not as a joke but seriously, why do I love her? Why do you love Sam, and I Deeps... Why have we never thought about it? Since the time we argued and counterargued that we were NOT in love, the thing that convinced us was what we were feeling at that moment... Like how it felt being with her, like how I'd want to wake up next to her, like how it felt with the warmth of her care and togetherness around me... But never did we give it a thought that why, why is she just the one, why when we played the field no lady was capable of arousing such protective instincts and care as SHE is...

'Well for the simple reason that the chemistry you share with her..........'

(interrupted by Andy)
No Rish, nope, we cannot dismiss it as mere chemistry...

'What is the best thing about Deeps according to your sage brains Mr. thinking-womens-guy...???'

Shut up Moron!!! I don't know... Look can you stop making it difficult and act a little serious...

'Hey hey hey, chill dude! I was trying to buy you time to think... okay lets cut the crap, hit this baby on the highway and lets talk...'

Your baby is so powerful, it gives a man that sense of power to rule or ride the world... Whoooo

'Dude O-U-R our baby, Gawd! Couldn't you just learn a little english!!! Help Him!!!!! And he had a writer as a girlfriend...!!! What will happen when you propose her!'

Cut the drama...

~~I can see it in your eyes I can see it in your smile You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide 'Cause you know just what to say And you know just what to do And I want to tell you so much, I love you ... ~~

Even God has his ways... Trust the disc to start playing at Lionel Richie.... Hey thats it!!!! Thats bloody hell it! (Screeching of tyres...) I know what attracts me to her...

'What??' (quizzicaly eyebrow raised)

You know all through my life I have always had to explain myself to people, why I am doing this, saying that, what is the reason for which I have this stand etc etc, and seldom people have understood me so well... Deeps just reads me like a book... She understands me just bloody so well... When I need someone to ease my troubled mind, she's that fresh lease of air, she completes my sentences, gives words to my expressions and emotions... She understands my need to climb all mountains, ford all streams, safari all jungles till I find that dream, a dream that I want to dream every living moment of mine..

She pays so much attention to every little thing about me, is that she makes me feeel valued, important, as if I have some part in her life...

'And....??'

What and? I guess this is one of the major reasons I like her...

'The other minor ones...?'

Well its not exactly minor, I probably used the wrong term, its the other things I love about her, her ability to communicate with everyone, her never say die-attitude, she even impressed mom for God's sake!!! She has a solution in all the troubled times, she never gets too upset in a crisis and why so? Well because she sees it as a lesson she'll laugh or smile at 5 years down the line...'
She has accepted me just as I am, she doesn't want me to change being me, I drink she doesn't like it, but she'll never say why are you drinking? or don't drink... We lay risky bets where I promise her I'll do whatever she says, she wins all the times, yet she never asks me not to do, or to do something, because she respects the individual in me...

'Andy if you don't mind shall I say something...?'

Andy!!!?you never call me that!!! Whats troubling you, sure I need you, you know that...

'Do you jst like her for what she does for you? She understands you, is a reason to love her, but is it just the reason? Sam and I understand you better than anyone else, Ria your last girlfriend had the real zest for life, your mom was impressed with her because her cooking made auntie her fan.... but the point you are missing here is that these are the things she brings positives or highlight of Deeps's persona... Dont you just love anything about her? Isn't there anything in her that you have never found in somebody?'

You know Rish I respect what you said... but now I am even more confused... (after an extremely long pause...)

'Buddy think about what she brings into your life, and why she brings them, how she brings them...'

'You know what I love about her is just her... Her deep sense of reception and introception, she understands the complex emotions so well... I love her for gentle soul and nourishing heart... She is worldwise yet she's not a cynic, she's an individual whose not dependent on me... She needs you, but she can live on her own... She's the confidante for any person...

She's the sunshine in your life yaar...' says Rish

'She admires the person in you, respects you for your sense of righteousness... stands by your good and bad decisions, cause she knows you deal every situation in the best way you can, she trusts you for that... And that's the best part of being Deeps; her simplicity and her strength...'

~~ Lonely rivers flow to the sea,to the sea 
to the open arms of the sea
lonely rivers sigh 'wait for me, wait for me' 
I'll be coming home wait for me ~~

I really do Love her you know... Every time our eyes meet, that feeling inside me, is something more than I can take, I don't know what she does, how she does, but spending each day with her makes it getting better...

'smiling all the way' 'you really do, and lets get you home so that she knows now... Why :) '

part 2 ends

 

Is it you, is it me, is it love?

“Sometimes I sit and wonder why do you love me? What is it that you like about me?”

Huh!!!! What?

“No really, why do you say that you like me, that I am the one, that I brighten up your day, I am the sun in your sky, why do you think we are perfect for each other, we complete each other…??”

What!!!! What are you thinking? Why are you thinking this? Why this question all of a sudden? Baby is something wrong? Did I hurt you? Is something bothering you…?

“No Andy just a passing thought, it just came aise hi, no preamble, no reason, no occasion, just wanted to know… Why the surprise? ‘’

Dear, I am still reeling under the full import of your question, its like confusing me and freaking me out in a weird way, I think something is wrong…

“Come on Andy, you Andrea should know by now that I have things on my mind, I don’t cloak them and say, I express them as they are…”

Hmmm… Why do I like you and only you, why are you the most important person in my life? Why is it that I want to share every little little things and events with you, Why do I get insecure without you? All these are trick questions, give me time to answer… I have never thought about it… I need time sweets, but am sure of one thing that I love you, for today and ever and ever…

“You think of a reason while I go make cheese popcorn and nacho’s along with cold coffee, till then you be ready… Till then dear…” grinning!!!

Women!!! God! Why did you make them so?I mean here we were sitting an enjoying a quiet evening together after ages, trying to discover more of(Ahemm!! )…about each other when what does it strike her? Lets play “who wants to e a millionaire!!!” Who wants to be a millionaire?? Oh dear God, the chances of you knowing the ever so temptin million dollar questions answer is negligible, and your life lines wont work as well..!!! Well let me try to use one atleast ‘Call a friend’…

(Phone rings) ‘Hey man! Wats up? Enjoying a lazy Sunday!!!???’

Sunday my foot yaar, I need your help, big time!!!

‘Slow down dude slow down, explain me the mess you have gotten into… What happened with Deeps now?’

Dude!! How’d you guess its her?

‘I am not single either, and ou were sounding deperate, its only when it’s a car trouble, you run out of your scotch or H-E-R, since you won’t be driving now, and we bought Scothch esterday, so its h-e-r. Tell me dude, you must be on the timer!!!’

What do I like about her? Why did I fall in love with her?

‘Oh Man! You are really caught in a web!!! Seriously man, never love intelligent females they’ll take you for six!!!’

No yaar, seriously, this has even got me thinking, why do I like her, why is it that I turn for comfort and its only with her do I find it? Why did I pursue her?

‘Want to go for a drive and talk it out? Before you say, No Sam won’t mind, and No I’d rather not spend an evening with her rather than you, plus I could bring her along, women understand emotions better… Want to come along with Deeps or alone?’

Alone, definitely, and bring Sam along, she’s the brains, let me check with Deeps whether she could spare me… I’ll message you if she does, and your car by the way, riding that Jag of yours inspires me…

‘Sure but you buy the Scotch… Ahhh I mean the Juices this is my non-alcoholic beverage weekend. Ok Till then, buddy, and don’t fret alone…’

(keeps the phone down and goes looking for Deeps)

Deeps, Honey do you mind if I go out with Rishi and Sam….? No on second thoughts ill you come along with us…?

‘Now!!!!? On Sunday?!!!? All ok? Sure you go ahead, nah I wont join you, will do a little bit of catching up on my blog, you go and have fun, and don’t worry about our conversation, we’ll have it sometime later…’

You sure you don’t want to come along? You sure you don’t mind?

‘Dear if I did, I would tell you… Go and have fun, but remember this is a dry weekend!!!’

Yeah yeah I remember… Bie Dear… Take Care, Call if u need something… (drat it had to be a dry weekend, now there is no scotch or cognac to bolster my thoughts!!! Muttered Andy…)

Part 1 ends…

Its the Right choice baby!!!

It’s the right choice baby…

Interesting catchline from Pepsi now that I sit and think about the current situation I am in, and my life… Will we ever know whats the right choice, or in fact whats our choice? Nah… I don’t think so.. We are always dictated by so many forces and extremes in life that our decision is always a merger or a marriage between the wisdom of world and worldly pleasure, never do we actually or have we actually considered or made a choice by our wisdom and pleasures union… Each of our decision is at some level aimed to bring peace with some notions, standards or desires of the world and the society… Which I wouldn’t say is wrong, but then that means living your life like the one and sundry, no difference between you and your beloved half, or you or your friendly neighbour, or the hostile landlord… It’s like reading a Mills and Boon book, you can predict the end, the names in all the books are similar, the challenges the characters go through are always a dime and a dozen, just the settings change, the places change, the names change (only to be repeated in some other series)… At the end its always happy ever after for the two people in question, and we get inspired and assume our playing in the puppet galleries of the world has made us happily ever after…

Are you happy, contented or satisfied? Am I? We think so, but then why the seeds of doubt at the time of dusk? Why the feeling of discontentment in your sleep, why the lack of adrenalin and excitement when the dawn breaks, why the feeling of reaching out and hugging somebody when we feel alone, why the continuous frenzied activity and tiredness when satisfaction or happiness brings with themselves a blanket of peace and contentment?

These questions were raised in the darkest corners of my mind a few days back when I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, and a guide of mine… My friend always told me my studying Chartered Accountancy- a drudgery subject, didn’t suit me much, but nevertheless since I (thought) Wanted to do it, that person was all motivational and the works… But one fine day on a long session of exchange of idea and gossip, I happened to tell him that when I was in the 10^th standard, my Dramatics or Theater sir was convinced that the future for me lies in being a dramatization, and that I would make an immensely gifted director, and I should try for drama courses after class 12… Even though it came from one of the most successful and respected theater personalities of Calcutta, I had just laughed it off, and never even considered it… (ya ya I know the heights of arrogance or should I say stupidity of mine…). My friend was speechless for a few moments and then reacted as if I had lost my mind and wits to have if not pursued the choice, but then at least given it a serious thought… It was then when we started discussing the so called irony of my ‘right choice’ and how I acted like a total kid (read baby for the heck of the tagline) while making a career choice. Then a conversation with another friend, philosopher and guide made me actually sit and think what were my strength, my dreams and passion… (Yikes this is also a topic for my speech on Monday!!!!!!!!) and I realised I could tabulate a list of careers I could make, I wanted to make, people thought was ideal for me, and I am doing something, which ironically, no one, absolutely no one in the world saw me doing, or thought was my genre or sphere….

Let me first make a list of them and why people think that could be a career choice for me…

1# The first being what I have already discussed- A Director and direct some plays… Sir’s logic was that I give so much attention to detail, and make the story more closer to real life by setting the story with impulsive and spontaneous reactions and action… At that time I hadn’t understood a word, I never even considered it because at that time I was set on doing cardiology, so I had laughed it off…

2# Cardiology/ Doctor- My family doctor is convinced that I have ruined my life acting to the demands of my ‘conservative marwari business mind’ and not taking up medicine, and all this why? Just because I could measure blood pressure, or take pulse rates, or check the heart beats for their normality or take an ECG test… and a little more knick knacks…??!!?? Well I had wanted to do cardiology probably all my life, but when I wasn’t allowed it was taken in a positive spirit by me…

3# Then came my friends suggestion that I take up psychology… Their reasons were that I ‘understood human mind and its complexities’ so well, that I should probably make it my bread and work as a human resource head for my butter, if not vice-versa… Till Date a lot of people are convinced that I’d be the perfect counselor…( God! This one was actually funny… because for one I am not mature enough myself, and two me and understanding? Since when???)

4# Then people were convinced that since I wasn’t studying medicine, I’d be studying political science, and then take up law and specialise in criminal…( Hello!! Lawyer? Me why?) Oh Ido! For the simple reason you can convince a person dying that it’s the best thing that could happen (eeeks! I hate this analogy) and your political mind helps o second guess every thing, you are so cautious and you clear your tracks so well that ou can prove any crime…( Guys was that intended to be a praise??)

The next two are actually close to my heart, These are something I’d always wanted to do but couldn’t, which doesn’t go to say wouldn’t…

5# Then I decided that fine I’ll do Mass-communication now, and study journalism… The story of people not expecting or wanting or suggesting I would make writing as a career dates back to my school… Class IV if my memory doesn’t fail me, was when my class teacher called up mom to school and asked her to read the paragraphs I wrote, or the sentences I constructed, she was sure that one day she’d be proud to have a writer like me… Surprisingly I didn’t remember this until yesterday (ya ya one incident even I am allowed to forget..!!!) till I met that teacher of mine somewhere… and she asked me do u still write…!!! Then I used to write poems till I was 12 or 13, but then I gave it all up, cause it took too much of my computer time…( well guilty as charged, I have been a pc addict since then…) Then I started writing again at 17 or 18, but this time it was a medium of expression and defiance… My views were a little less appreciated or sought at places, so I captured them and formed them in words… Then since last year I started writing a blog… I still don’t really believe I write well, though I have so many of you contradicting that for me, but though I’d never planned to be serious about it, now I do give it a thought… (the thanks for the motivation will go individually J )

6# I have discussed this once before- Cooking… Its not just a hobby, it’s a passion for me.. My mom will claim that I was an L'Enfant Terrible in the kitchen, I used to give my shot at cooking as early as 4 or 5… The irony is that I never taste what I cook… :D (you people are there for me to food poison!!!) but for me food is the best analgesic for all troubled souls, because when you sit with good food, you don’t think about your problems any more, you are not lonely anymore cause food is your company, you take delight in every taste that explode on your buds, and that moment of sheer happiness on someones face is priceless for me… So making my restaurant is not about the money, its about that careless smile… :) Hopefully I’ll get you guys to come to it soon… :D (as in soon is in the next 20 years ;) )

The other Irony of my life is that I am doing something no body wanted, expected or suggested I do and would be good at and that’s Chartered Accountancy… It was a fancy of my family that I am pursuing…

So coming back after such a lengthy discussion, you can never say whats the right choice baby!! Because there are no right or wrong choices, its just guided with expectations…

:)

Relations

' Mummy, mummmy , mummmmmyy where are you?'

"Coming coming doll, what happened? How was your day at school sweetheart?"

'It was good, but mummy I am confused, switch of your cell phone and come on our swing and answer my question.'

"Huh!?!"

'All the uncle aunties and papas keep calling you all the time, they always talk in our talking time.'

"Papas??? "

'Oh OH no no one papa only, P-A-P-A papa.'

Smiling "Ok dear, let us go"

Mumma, mumma, today in school teacher taught us how to make a card....'

"Show Show!" (Shikha shows the card) "ooooo pretty you made it?"

irritated ' offo mumma, I am not telling you about the card, listen to me nah!'

"Ok ok sorry beta, say.."

" So ma'am told us that we can also give the cards to our relatives. When I asked her what does relative mean she told me people with whom we have relations that means our family, mummy, papa, grandpa, auntie, brother... Mumma what does relation mean then?"

Stumped, Rhea remains silent for a few moments, then gathers her wits to say,

" Baby relation means The connection of people by blood or marriage, or The way in which one person or thing is connected with another: the relation of parent to child. See I am married to your papa so your grandma becomes my relative, or Nitish uncle, and Shreya Mami become papa's relative. Similarly you are our daughter, which means you have the same blood as us so you also become their relatives..."

interrupting

'So mumma, that means even you and papa are relatives..."

Totally answer less Rhea says, " No dear we are no, when you grow older you'll understand what does relation and relatives mean, for now remember all your aunts and uncles and their family is your relatives... Okay princess? Chalo now lets go and have strawberry Milk shake..."


This conversation between a mom and her daughter got me thinking, what exactly does a relation mean to us? Is it what Rhea told her daughter? Am not too sure...

Looking around us I don't see people who still believe in that definition... In fact relations are no more just blood ties or ties formed due to marriages.. In fact my tongue firmly in place, I'd dare say that blood ties are no more the relations people care for anymore... Some do, some are not very close or comfortable in them anymore. They are their own person.

So coming back hat are relations and what do they mean to 20-30-40 year old?

Well the first thing that strikes me is the Dictionary meaning modified according to today's time :

Relations:

1. The mutual dealings or connections of persons, groups, or nations in social, business, or diplomatic matters.
2. Sexual in nature.
   

We all meet people, deal with them, connect to them, some connections and dealings are comfortable and some are not... But the very moment the connection is made the relation is thus formed. That defines a basic relation... agreed to it... But again is that it? Can u define all your relations this way? Can you express all relations in groups of family and business. Is it that only? Is this the depth of a relation and how you express it? I don't think so...

There are some people who come very close to you. They matter to you in a lot of regards. Their opinion counts, their presence complete you. They are not only the pillars of your emotional support and well being, but they also are the hand that rocks your cradle, you never realise the worth of them because you have never been without them... Just like you can feel the warmth only after you have been cold, these people give you that warmth and term is as friendship.

Some of us do manage not to realise their worth over time.. We either don't realise their presence in our lives or by how much they affect us. Its only after a while when we fall and we see those people coming from behind and picking us up and pretending nothing happened do we realise this relation. Yet we can't define it and we simply name it as friends.

There are some relations which with time keep getting better and deeper. You don't know when they become your need from want. You don't know when you want to fight the whole world rather than have somebody make them drop a tear- and then fight them. There are times when you go out of your way fro them, change your course just to see them smile. There are times when they don not even cry but you feel the pain for them... The times when silence talks and words listen. Yet this is also the relation where you don't know whether you are ready to spend your entire life with them, to make it destined. There are times when you don't know whether it is just the feelings being friends, or s it the next dearest relation-love or is it just something unique or special. I can't define this either.

Then comes the people whom you love. They are your alter ego. They never feel different from what you are.
These relations are the ones which make u dance when no music is being played, sing when your singing scares the rats away. Allows you to make compromises when you term them as adjustment. The relation make the world seem less lonelier and empty. It makes you wonder whether the days you have spent earlier were as happy as they seemed. But I can't express this relation... This just wants to make you feel, because even if you close your eyes a movie is playing in your eyes....

Now come the pivotal question? Where do these relations lead to, from what I started saying... Simply that you never know how or where a relation leads to... It determines its own course...

Shikha's last question to her mom was " Momma can a relation ever end?"

To which Rhea replied, 'No dear it never does, a relation changes name, closeness, and togetherness, but the feeling doesn't die.'


As somebody rightfully said: Relations are like matter and questions can be changed from one level of closeness to another but even death cannot destroy or answer this question.

So why does the world ask us to define them?

Love me Forever...

Arms wide open
I wait for you
Come drown me
With:
Your caressing touches
The enveloping love
Lets mingle as one
No one to see
When ends you and begins me...


Let your breath mingle with mine,
The sweet smell of ecstasy
Seems just so divine...
The rhythm of your beats
Take me over
Let Serenity, togetherness and security
Of your presence
Get embedded in my heart
for the long nights and day...


You've emboldened me
to ford that mountain
Lets rise the peak
For you've made me feel your presence
The mark of your love
refuses to allay


So kiss me
Caress me
Make me yours
Like you are forever mine
Drive away every thought sane
Because feelings have no words
No boundaries
or Name
Just feel me
Like I feel you

Hug me and Make me stay
Rain, I feel you, see you stray....

A Friend Named Hope!!!

Thank You Rohit for doing this.... You don't know how much it meant to me... Its just more than special!!! :) :)

My first story from class 5...

It was one of those days for Margaret when everything went wrong, nothing worked her way. In fact things were so wrong that all her
friends, her teacher, her philosophers,guides were not there in whom she could confide.

What was that bad that no one was there who understood her? She came home tired from school and wondered ," Why. Oh! Why has God been so unfair to her?".

She was perched on a low stooping branch of the oak tree,thinking why had God made her a handicap? A handicap with one leg
smaller than the other and unusually slim frame. For a few years when she was home, her parents treated her as a normal child, cherished special, wanted and the best. Not making her realize that she was different from any other kid. But all good things must end
someday. The girl had to be educated, had thought the hapless parents, hence she was sent to school.

There she was in school either being teased by her classmates as a cripple or a ghost. She was intimidated and taunted.She ran away from them to the safe and loving arms of her parents. Her parents came home only to hear the distress of their daughter. Her
mother told her to confide in a friend, a friend who would give her a hand to walk, a shoulder to cry, to inspire her, to lead her,
who would exclusively be hear friend. The friend was HOPE!!

Margaret did not believe her mom but wanted a friend badly, so she thought of confiding in hope. Her mom told her that HOPE was from a different planet. So, she would teach Margaret the language and then Margaret could converse in that language.

So, every time Margaret was upset, She would go to her mom and ask her to call hope. Whatever problem Margaret had, her mom would show her a brighter side and tell her to believe in herself. She would tell her fictional stories of warrior princess or seemingly real
story of people to inspire her. Slowly Margaret was told that she didn't need her mom to talk to hope, she could do so herself now. This was when mom realized that Margaret didn't get intimidated by the school bully's anymore.

Margaret was now encouraged to lead her life like a normal kid with self-determination and belief. She knew that whatever the world may say, she was as good as the rest and had something in her to break the crowd clutter. She was taken to the hospital where a
false metal foot was attached to her lower limb which now enabled her to walk properly, even though she could not dance or swim.

With every passing grade Margaret started confiding more and more in Hope. She never did anything without hope As she grew older,
her parents started getting worried about her attachment to a fictitious friend, yet seeing her progress, they didn't tell her anything.

Surprisingly every time she confided in HOPE, she felt courageous and strong enough to face the world and with that grew a determination to join regular school from the special-ed school she was going to. With a lot of effort and determination to succeed,
she managed to join a regular 'normal' school. A normal school had compulsory gym classes. Her gym teacher showed sympathy
towards her, and asked her to sit with her and watch the other students. Then she would help her with few exercises which strengthened her. But Margaret was told by HOPE that sympathy was the worst thing in the life. So, in order to denounce sympathy
she asked hope to give her an opportunity.

God listened to her conversation and granted her wish. One week later there was an announcement in the school about a racing competition to be held in the school grounds and all were free to participate.

Margaret went to her gym teacher and gave in her name. The gym teacher though a little surprised didn't say anything and egged her
on by saying she will have to work hard but can do it. She and her friend HOPE then practised running day in and day out after school in the adjacent park to her work. She practiced hard not letting anybody know of her plan of actions.
Her parents started dropping her hints that hope will now have to go to other people also. His parents were shifting, Margaret accepted all this with panache as she was confident her hope wouldn't leave her and go and if he went he would always be her friend.
Then came the first big day of her life. The day of the race. Margaret along with her parents in the crowd came to the race. Off went
the whistle and along went Margaret. Margaret because of her handicap wanted to give up, but her friend HOPE was telling in her ears : 'GO ON! GO ON!'.
The others finished the gap and were nearing the finishing line, when Margaret was still mid-way. There was a resounding silence . Margaret was about to give up when to her surprise as soon as she slowed down people started cheering her. She looked around and everyone were on their feet cheering her wanting her to go ahead. The people who she thought taunted her or jeered her like in the special-ed school were waiting before the finishing line for her to come and join them and amongst them was their friend HOPE.
She ran and ran and ran to embrace her long due happiness. To the feeling of love, warmth and caring world of people whom she
called friends. She joined her friends and they finished the race together.
And she felt her first serious lesson. HOPE was her in her.
An year later when the race was over and result of her examination was out she had topped. She achieved a lot - friends, family''s love, philosopher, guide, most of all self-belief and positive thinking!! All this just because she had a friend named HOPE !!

Tashan aka X'taarshan'

On a fateful Friday morning I come back home bracing the sweltering heat of Kolkata summer, which is yet to be declared a heatwave... Pulak suggested a sprint to watch Tashan? Well... I have my Tax class,but for the movie I will miss it!!!

Oho bad bad decision take it back, take it back...

We reached 40 minutes early to buy a ticket, because it was just releasing in single screen theatres as a battle was ensuing for revenue sharing... (*warning Bells again being ignored*)

After a solid wait for 1 hour, the movie started late as the previous show ended late (because ah well the distributors gave the cinema wrong duration duh!!! YRF strikes again)...
First comes the three advertisement for YRF's upcoming releases 'Bachna aeHasino' which seems decent, 'Thora pyaar, thora magic' , 'Roadside Romeo' well here ends the best part of the movie..
The movie begins-- Help!!! the neon lights are hurting my eyes, bhai when did single screen theaters have neon lights? 'Shut Up Ido, its the introduction to the movie and its not neon lights its the costumes they are wearing.' Oh!!!

First 45 minutes of the movie has Saif; (in whose company girls are not 'Safe' becuase he has some pathetic sense of principles in dating students from his english classes, because ah well in his two barreled funny moustache and stolen cargo-frumpy pants no intelligent call centre chic is gonna give him ghaas, because he ravenously pants like a dog in front of any gal,) and a wet sultry Kareena in an eye hurting emerald green something sembling a kurta; panting and lusting around Kareena and trying to teach 'angrezi', the gawdy and hideous character of the Gutkha chewing 'Bhaiyaji' who is Javed Jaafery's crocodile reinvented and glamed to the OTT, . Which is so incoherent that u actually await subtitles to understand the movies dialogues!!! But Alas!! how could you expect YRF to be so understanding?
Well what happens apart from this I won't say, not to ruin your excitement at the plot, but not to expose the fact that there is nothing apart from this!!!!! No story no phaarmoola... (Warning: run to your English teacher in the first 40 minutes itself, the movie has nothing after that either, but only an opportunity to start preparing 2nd grade English and then being qualified to win Kya aap Panchvi paas se tez hain...

Its only After when Akki enters that he saves the movie from killing you with his historic even if they don't make sense to u, as to why did he slip into this role? Why did he start the story of Guriya? Why Saif suddenly turned into Sean Penn like a good guy learning the ropes of the bad bad world? From where did the 6 Chinese martial arts experts came and went? How could he accept the role of a Kanpuri Superman? He is affable, on the line and manages to shine even in the crazy mambo jumbo role of Bachchan Pande!!!

Well Saif is improving from being a wooden furniture to a wooden hammer, Kareena does her bit of looking like the sexed up glam doll (despite the horrendous wig in the middle of a desert with colorful extra's) Anil had it not been for him, you would have threw the remains of your Pepsi at the screen in disgust, yet he is awful!!! No Tashan No substance... Is the most stalemate affect of Jhoom Barabar Jhoom...

Well one advice this movie is a hazard for all Chartered accountants!! You cannot put this expenditure into any category and you will not even get insurance claim for the sickness caused by this movie!!! and well this movie is a liability!!! YRF GROW UP!!!!

So as the first scene saw the red merc sink along with Saif talking to the camera, because well, nobody else looked at him, and Akki holding a gun to his head, you too would sink if you watched this movie with somebody putting a gun to your head... !!!

I give it well * (one star out of 100) for giving me chips during a movie after ages!!! Multiplexes don't serve chips nah!!!

Little Moments

Hello!!! I am back after a useless exile (useless because I am yet the same old writer, no changes) and a highly non-sense poem (which incidentally I am yet to interpret myself) with a post which just struck me yesterday night when I was doing a very small conversation with a dear friend in the night...

Well I was a little off track yesterday and while thinking I realised that lifes greater joys is actually hidden in the small small gestures, the little little things inherent in the peoples care or actions towards you... We always preach that lifes not about enjoying the big moments, its making the small ones, we seldom practice... If my deathbed tomorrow I were to look back at the pages of my life, I wouldn't want to just see a page written in 'golden' and then 100 blank pages and the a page in 'golden'... I'd rather prefer a page written in 'golden' followed by two hundred pages of silver, and then a golden... It makes my life seem less bleak and more precious..If I were to steal a life book I'd steal the ones with silver... Its not that we don't et the silver in our lives, its just that we are two busy collecting the Autumn leaves that we forget Spring lasts longer...

So here I am thanking the people in my life who have made those small gestures seem so huge that I am indebted to them throughout my life, of making my life exactly that - LIFE...

#Thank You for the Chocolates you got for me from the returns of your pet project... My first gift from u became irrelevant as the sweet taste of my last chocolates still lingers in my mind and my taste buds, and the wrappers safely stowed away in my memory box...

I still remember you offering to drive me to the nearest hospital (yes its amusing the very thought of it) and get me admitted when I had my liver problems, specially just the NEXT day after I met u for 3 hours!!!!


#Everything You do is special...

I still remember putting you on hold for 10 minutes on my birthday night at 12 even though you wanted to wish me first, to talk to another friend on STD... And yet not hanging up and talking to me for a while...

You accepting my testimonial even though you knew you will be ragged for it...BIG TIME ragging...

Your forwarding messages from your friends cell to yours just to send them to me, when you had nothing to say...

#Dear everything you do is AGAIN always special...

Your coming down to meet me to somewhere from somewhere to say Hi!!! Bringing your bhabhi and niece along in the process!!..

I still remember you messaging me from your friends phone when your network wasn't catching, because I was upset..!!!

I still remember my morning messages ;-)

# I remember you calling me up when I was low, even though you never called...

I remember you sending me a mail daily for 20 days when I was busy with my exams...

# For calling me up to find out whether I did take my medicines...

For actually proposing the way I suggested...

#I remember you agreeing to partner me in all my crazy schemes...

For trusting me with your deepest secret...

# Dear you are nearly my sister!!
For every conversation we have when you are on your walk or not, for the strawberry ice creams we share, for discussing my career options list (it must be 100 by now)...

# For all the hugs u have given me till now...

#Letting me know the power of one for all and all for one...

# For introducing me to the whole new meaning of humility, warmth and making me respect u... (P.S- We barely know each other, I know still...)


The list would be endless for each one of u...still i feel special already... :-)

No-sense apology

'For If I were to die today
God let this place be my roof
With the carpet of cloud beneath my feet
and the riveting sky beyond my eye
God, let my soul fly in
cause I want to cry
tears of remorse
-at words unspoken
-actions undone
-smiles taken away
-laughter mocked thy way
-Pretending to be yours forever to stay
when I wasn't even mine together each day
-remembering every detail of tiding the bay
-charming every evil and prince's alike as my play
When I knew it wouldn't last
So let me pay
throughout my life
they may: castigate, reprimand,
I redress, obey
So help me God to stay in this alcove of serenity's
To find a way before I castigate my sin
To another day or at least pray...


I am yet to understand what I have just written... my fingers flew over the keyboard to form these words... Don't know how to make a coherent text out of this interplay...

Hair today, gone with the snips

I completely hate going to a salon... I mean simply hate it...
Well why?
I'd not be completely correct if I say its only because I am not to fussy about my looks, or I prefer my natural beauty.. I don't believe in chemical or artificial beauty... All This do form a major part of my reasoning... I sincerely do believe that salon's are for grooming... One doesn't need a makeover... But then that means for personal grooming like a haircut, or a manicure blah blah things you do need to visit a salon, then why do I hate it so much?

Well I agree all women are fixated with the salon.. Give them the freedom and they'd spend half a day every week there, or so it is said; but do you know its not because they think that a weekly salon trip would improve their looks, it is because of the clever marketing ploy used by the Salon staff...

I hate marketing?
What?!
No!!
I don't hate a salon cause they market what they went to sell, everybody wants marketing, but I don't like what their marketing strategies do to a females ego... Trust me, even the most self confident female, who knows she is beautiful, or a female like me who gives pennies to her looks, and cares little when people put in their two bits about the face, because its the person that matters, have a second thought...
Guys who are reading this, it is not funny...!!!

I'll tell you how this thing works... What happens is that you go into a salon for lets say a haircut, and that to just for a trim.. You see the others getting too much done, someone on the face, or hands, others, many, all... Then and there itself your defenses meet 'waxed' floors... They start slipping...
Then you are taken for your hair wash ( Mind you a 'proper' salon always thinks you have lived your life as a rowdy youngster or a hippie and you can't wash your hair properly, hence even if you have washed it that morning, they'll redo it.) The first question is, "Mam which shampoo do you use..?" You say the one you do... "Tch tch Tch... " **looking extremely displeased** "What happened??" you make a mistake of asking, "Mam, it just doesn't suit your hair, its not your type only... It will make your hair dryer.." "oho" , "You should use this, followed by this conditioner, in the way I am going to wash your hair..."
The damage is done... Oh God! I have been damaging my hair? But I don't think its bad but they treat the best hairs, so they know better, or do they?
Next comes the hair cut... Mam which style do you want? You suggest that new look you were dying to get or say you want a simple trim... That my friend is the biggest sacrilege... "Well you know mam, that style has been out for years" "you have a longish face and since your features are not very sharp why don't you take this? at least that will bring some getup to your face..."
He starts snipping
"Mam why don't you take care of your skin? Look at the area around your lips, they are darkly tanned? even your boyfriend will wonder!!" and you go HUH! what?
Seeing you speechless at his audacity to suggest that, he works his charm (read sales trick) in... We have this amazing herbal facial comprising of aloe, sandal etc, they will leave your skin peaches cream in a very short while, and then you'd become the temptress..."

Oh o, the 'waxed' floor was already slippery, you had started slipping, and now you are precariously balancing your feet...

"Mam we have a very new shade in hair color touch up your hair with them, your hair would become very smooth, and silky, it would shine like Kajols..."

"Mam your nails are yellowing!!" Hello my nails are painted red!! " that's what mam, use if nail polish will cause your nails to suffocate with the lack of oxygen and start yellowing, and we have this very nice aroma therapy manicure, that would defoliate your tired palms, and make them soft like a babies, tr it mam, you deserve it."

"Mam with all the treatment you have done, why leave the part which carries your burden the most , your feet, unpampered? Mam they deserve your care, you'll deserve the cracks and then how will you walk?"

We think, Oh God! have I been that negligent? **looking around** every female is getting something done, sheesh!!! am I being tricked b battering of my self respect and ego? or is it true? I think true, its such a huge salon, it doesn't need my money, they treat the celebs so they know best... might as well....

So the ladies end up spending half their days, and well their earnings or ahem the better(richer) half's bank balance, to yet another month when they'd encounter a new split end to trim...